The Ongoing Adventures of Officer Asshole Part One!!!

XO A job rant story?! How long has it been? Too long obviously. Not that people magically stopped being jerks. Just I have been too busy to blog about jerks.

But since I have a slight minute to catch up on life I thought I would share a super customer suck tale. Because really I love complaining and who doesn’t love a douchebag story? If you don’t…well I’m sorry. I do XD

Beware of the overuse of authority and general assholeness.


I shall start this story at the beginning. Of course that is where most stories begin. But from my point of view I came in after some events so not all of this is from my point of view. But since the people involved all claim the same thing happened I tend to believe this is all true.

Officer Asshole orders two pizzas over the phone, one topping each. He orders them super well done, almost to the point of burnt. His words. It was a semi busy night when he came in. I was out on a delivery. He comes in and plunks his police badge on the counter like we care and demands his policeman’s discount. Now we usually OFFER a discount when an officer comes in during his lunch break IN UNIFORM. OFFER. Important words folks. He also points to one of my co-workers as if that person is the one who gives him a discount (co-worker later says he has no idea who that guy was). But the “new” girl gave him a discount anyway and told him his new total. He gives her two dollars in loose nickels and wants the rest on some weird type of credit card. She tries it and it is declined. Dude says try again. She does and it’s declined. Again. Because nothing has happened in the last 30 seconds to change the outcome.

So now there is a hold-up at the register and my momager comes over to see what the problem is. He says he wants such and such on his credit card. Momager runs it and it is declined. Again. Officer Asshole gets mad and goes outside to call his wife.

I return from a delivery and roll my eyes that someone is illegally parked in a
handicapped spot (see Officer Asshole). Get out of my car and I hear Officer Asshole talking about the dummy behind the counter being too stupid to operate a credit card machine. His wife must have asked what she looked like and he described my mom. Now please remember that I was not in the store at all during this time. Also I am pretty stupid. Because I fly over to him and scream I KNOW YOU AREN’T TALKIN ABOUT MY MOMMA!!!

Yes I am still alive people and no I haven’t learned my lesson about talking to strangers.

Now….Officer Asshole doesn’t looked embarrassed, upset, or even angry. No no my readers….he laughs. Laughs in my face. Oh and says sorry, I didn’t know that was your mom. Um how about SORRY I SAID SOMETHING SO RUDE AND I SUCK?! No no? Okay.

Asshole.

I make it back into the store before he does and tell my momager what happened. But instead of ignoring his stupid self when he comes over to the counter she walks TO him. Of course when he hands her the credit card again I make the comment OH THAT IS THE DUDE WHO CALLED YOU DUMB and everyone was like XO. Officer Asshole then “explains” to my momager that there is XX.XX on the card and that she needs to ring it up correctly. She does so..and it is declined. At this point everyone wants this guy dead. He then says he is going to go to the ATM since we are obviously having problems and leaves.

So then I make sure EVERYONE knows what he said to my mom and people inform me what happened while I was going. Seeing red people. SEEING RED. You don’t ask for a discount loser! We offer it TO YOU. You are not entitled to any discount just because you have a job. If we give you one nice. But don't demand one and then make our lives harder okay!

About twenty minutes later the phone rings and I answer it. It is Officer Asshole’s wife asking why there were problems with the card. Um because you are stupid? Because you can’t count and balance your money? I don’t know why you ain’t got no money. But in any event she tells me that is all the money they have and wouldn’t it be a shame if their kids wouldn’t have pizza tonight?

Like…is she asking me to give them the pizzas for FREE? Because you know how a discount wasn’t enough. No no, we need to reach the bottom of the barrel in terms of patheticness or something.

I say something like well I guess that is a shame and hung up on her. Because I am Delivery Driver Asshole. I mean..the pizzas were so burnt no one else would want them and they were going to go to waste ANYWAY. But I wasn’t about to let that man and his family have food for free after talking about my momager that way.

By the way momager was more upset about the wasted food than the name calling. Weird.

Stay tune for part two of this ongoing saga!!! I thought I could type it all in one post but yeah. We are at 850 words already. XD Sorry. Just note that part two and part three are worse. Way worse.