It's a gated community to keep the crazies in

When I came back from AWA the first two days of work after the convention were pretty okay. Nothing major, just working and making money. No one yelled at me, nothing caught on fire, and no one died. It was amazing. Also I was only out of town for a weekend why am I acting like I went on a real vacation? X_X

But on Friday….Friday….just no. No no no people. I was like 5 seconds away from being fired/quitting/setting the store on fire. I can’t remember the last time I have been so mad about a situation at work. Well I can. That stupid “replacement” order I had to take when I didn’t take the first order and she took all her anger out on me.

BUT ANYWAY!!!!!!! on to what made me want to throw people in the parking lot and run them over with my car. Well maybe I will borrow someone else’s vehicle since my car is tiny.

Err....that was a lot of words...sorry.

SOOOOOO like any good story involving me and delivering I wasn’t even supposed to be the driver that night. We take turns so stuff will be fair and stuff. Or maybe because when I first started working there I was taking the place of the daytime driver and we never switched over. But either way I was like ALRIGHT I can make more tips this Friday because Friday night means at home deliveries and they tend to be more generous than the businesses I get stuck with during the day.

Except I kept getting stuck on the crappy deliveries. The ones that were far away or known bad tippers. Or worse, ones that are far away and bad tippers. I got a delivery to a rich subdivision. Think golf course, people at the front gate, and it takes miles to get to some of the houses. Seriously miles at 20 miles an hour. And despite these million dollar houses and how long it takes to get to these lovely driveways with no mailboxes to help me find the damn house the average tip is 2 dollars. It is how the rich stay rich.

I mean I guess I should be happy I get anything at all. Just that they ACT like I should be happy with their table scrapes or something. In any event I gritted my teeth and drove, knowing it would take me 40 minutes to deliver this pizza and I wouldn’t have much to show for it.

Strangely enough this story is not going to be about the customer. Yes I know how can I have a rant about work and not involve a customer to start the crazy? Hint customers have bat shit crazy neighbors.

I get out of the car and walk around the other side to get the pizza out. Before I could even close the door I see a HUGE dog running at me. Not happy floopy ears silly smile type running. Like I am running to kill prey and pizza delivery girls are on the list of noms. I am not a fan of dogs on a good day when they are inside the house and I am on the outside and all is safe. So when they are running at me full speed life is not good.

By some miracle I manage not to scream or pass out or drop the pizza. The dog goes jump on me and barks near my face and scare the crap out of me. Teeth and claws just no people. I just stand there because I thought that would smarter than trying to move right? From the next yard over (and keep in mind these yards are huge so it was quite a bit aways, not a typical yard) a teenage girls starts yelling DON’T WORRY HE’S FRIENDLY!

………………………………..

OH OKAY! Don’t call the dog over or rescue me or anything. Just reassure the scared person that the dog jumping on them is friendly. That is the way to handle the situation folks. Oh and she just stood there..like the dog was going to run back over to her by her presence alone or something.

So I am pissed and scared at this point and yell at the girl that her dog needs to be on a leash and to get him off me. I slowly started making my way up the customer’s driveway with the dog following me and jumping on my back the entire way. It was like some awful nightmare that I couldn’t escape. When I made it to the door the dog decided to leave me and run down the street, towards the main road. Not the neighbor’s house. Which made me smirk for the time being. Like HA now you are screwed too you should have gotten your dog while it was attacking me.

So after I delivered the pizza and got my two dollars (and after the customer confirmed the neighbor lets the dog run around all the time) it is time to go. By this time the teenager’s dad got in a vehicle and gone after the dog and the teenager. The mom and a small child (5 years old) were in the yard looking down the road. At what I don’t because you couldn’t see the dog but whatever. Time to go. Hop in my car and have plans to go forward so I can pull into a driveway and turn around. I start the car and start to go

WHEN THE SMALL CHILD RUNS IN FRONT OF MY CAR!!!! Just bolts in front of my car in an attempt to get across the street. I slam on the breaks and proceed to have a heart attack. I want everyone to know that despite the amount of rage I am about to unleash on this post I was so scared and frazzled during this entire episode. Almost running over anyone, let alone a small child was so horrible I can’t even believe to describe it.

So the kid runs in front of my car, I slam on the breaks…and the kid continues across the road. Like he almost wasn’t a road pancake. After catching my breathe I roll down my window (boo no electronic window stuff in my car) and yell at the kid. Yeah I yelled at him. I didn’t curse, I didn’t call him names, but I did yell at him. Something along the lines of LITTLE BOY (yes I used little boy) you do NOT run in front of cars! I nearly hit you! You do NOT do that!!!! The kid looked at me…and kept right on walking. Like shouldn’t most kids be crying at this point?!

So I once again start my car up to go down the road so I can turn around in a driveway. I then pass the neighbors house and the mom is just standing there. She watched the whole thing go down and didn’t go after the kid or stop him from walking away from her. Nope she was just standing there not a care in a world. Awesome parenting there mom. I turn into a driveway and go back down the road.

I pass the neighbor’s house and the customer’s house and take the small curve on that road. I pass one more house and I see the child in someone else’s yard with a bag of dog treats. And without warning the kid RUNS INTO FRONT OF MY CAR AGAIN! Like screw the Twilight Zone am I in hell?! I slam on the breaks and this time the kid gets back in the yard instead of walking across the street. I just sit there in shock. Like is this really happening to me?!?! I roll down the passenger’s side window and yell at the kid again. Something along the lines of WHAT ARE YOU THINKING LITTLE BOY! WHY DID YOU RUN IN FRONT OF MY CAR AGAIN?! STAY OUT OF THE ROAD!!!

Shaking I put my car in drive again and barely hit the gas pedal WHEN THE DOG RUNS IN FRONT OF MY CAR! WHY GOD WHY! The dog runs by me and goes down the street, in the direction of his house and I stare down the road, wishing to know what I did to deserve this. I see the teenager at the end of the road talking to her dad in the vehicle. The little boy is walking over to them and I want to die. So very slowly I go down the road, get on the main road, and turn off on the first side street. There I park my car and take some deep soothing breathes.

I was attacked by a dog. I almost hit a small child with my car twice. I nearly ran over the attacking dog. Like why is this all happening to me? Frazzled me just sat in the car for a few minutes because I didn’t trust my shaking hands to drive the car. A quick call to my husband to help calm myself down and rant and I was good to go.

I get back to the store and everyone seems to be busy or in a bad mood. Guess things were busy while I was gone for that 40 minutes of hell. I mention to my manager that I would rather do an activity that would keep me in the back as I was too upset to deal with customers right now. I did mention to her and various people that I wasn’t happy that I nearly ran over a kid and was attacked by a dog but I didn’t go into great detail. Which might be hard to believe looking over how much I have typed so far. X_X Seriously people I can be quiet when I need to be. Or when I am feeling crappy.

Off to the dish room I go. Starting putting the other dishes away and filling up the sinks. Started doing the trays of doom. Suddenly my manager runs to the back and starts yelling at me that she just got cussed out by some crazy guy on the phone saying I cursed out his kid.

HELL TO THE NO PEOPLE! WHY DOES THIS ALWAYS HAPPEN TO ME?!?!?!

I go to defend myself but the manager (who happens to be my mom) is yelling for the
owner to take the phone call because she was not dealing with that jerk. In that brief moment I tried to find a rocket launcher so I could escape to the moon but all I found was some cheese and croutons. Sensing things were about to be bad I decided to explain my side of the story as fast as possible. My momanager actually listened to me without interruption which was the only good thing about this entire situation. She did state that she wished I had told her the entire story from the start (don’t know HOW that was going to happen but whatever) but other than that she was not going to kill me. Plus one on the minus 5787687 scale.

She then tells me the crazy person started screaming at her the moment she picked up the phone. Like WHO THE F**K DO YOU HAVE DRIVING FOR YOU! THEY F**CKING SCREAMED AT MY KID! DO YOU EVER WANT TO DELIVERY TO OUR NEIGHBORHOOD AGAIN?!?!?! I WILL GET YOU BANNED! Blah blah. Like she hadn’t even said hi to the dude yet and he screamed at her. He went on to say (scream) that they live in a cul-de-sac and his kids are allowed to play in the street without getting yelled at by crazy drivers and he has 5 witnesses that will testify that I screamed at his kid for no reason and I am a menace to society and that people were watching the kid.

OH OKAY! Let the lies begin. No dude you do not live in a cul-de-sac. Maybe down the road your street ends in a cul-de-sac but where your house is no, that is what we normal people call a road. No I do not think kids should ever play in the road. The road is for cars. And your kid was not playing in the road, where I would have time to predict his movements. He ran in front of the car. The only witness for me yelling at the kid the first time was the mom and she just stood there. The second time the dad and sister were down the road. So where are these 5 witnesses? Where are the people watching the kids?

So after I tell my momager the truth and she tells me the man’s lies we realize that the owner is talking to the guy. Momager is mad that she got screamed at for no reason and I am pissed that surly I shall die. Now because I am a super dumb ass I decided that I would stand next to my boss to hear what was going on. Because I was mad, still shaken from the disaster that was the event, and I have a death wish.

Well my boss decided it was throw Tenchi under the buss day at work. He told the man that he was SO SORRY for how I treated his son and that I caused such an inconvenience and that he will handle the matter. He then asks for the guy’s name, number, and address so he can send him some free pizza as a gesture of good will.

Tenchi went to crazy town. Yeah I ran to my momager and told her what I just heard and that I couldn’t believe I was being treated that way. Momager was not pleased at all and told me to go on my next delivery.

Of course all did not go as planned. Boss got off the phone, momager had words for the boss, I had angry words, and it ended with a screaming match behind the store for some reason. I would go into more detail but HAHA there was so much rage in that moment it would be uncomfortable to type it out. That and I don’t know….part of me doesn’t want to get fired.

So a quick review. I delivered a pizza safe and sound and am nearly eaten by a dog. I almost run over said dog and a small child because no one was watching them. Dad (who was not present for ANYTHING) call and screams at my momager lies about me and the boss gives them free pizza despite the fact that they have never ordered from us before.

My life rocks.