But hello, these are all horror movies! So it is like a theme right? We are ignoring the fact that almost all my movie posts have a horror theme. IGNORE IT! This unique and a theme just for this month. Go for it.
So yes here is another batch of movies that I watched this month. And once again I really need to write down my thoughts right after watching a movie because if a movie sucks I will forget important sucking facts. I will try harder next month folks.
Movies included in this post are as follows:
Perkins 14
The Reeds
The Final
Kill Theory
The Graves
My Soul to Take
Red: Werewolf Hunter
Predators
Perkins 14
Holy crap people this movie is awful. Like waste of time, give me back the 2 hours of my life.
First of all there were no beautiful people in this movie. Which is fine and sometimes better for a movie as it is nice to see “normal” looking people. But the cop was so hard to look at and listen to. Everyone else was okay to look at but that dad cop was scary and gross looking and I would fear him if he came to rescue me.
There is no point in arguing that paranoid dad cop was really insane. Because he was right. But I am sure over his career he accused tons of people of being his son’s kidnapper. Just he happened to be right this time.
I was counting down the minutes until mom died. She was super insensitive to the father losing the kid. I mean if the father was demanding that their kid’s room be used as an office we be like HEY mom lost her kid let her have a room to mourn and crap. But no since it is dad his feelings need to be disregarded? Not that any of this matters as mom is boning some other dude. So hurry up and die faster!
Dad cop fails as a parent. He sees these killer kids running around killing people yet when HIS SON kills a cop he is like RUN FORREST RUN. No. Well maybe. But how about the end where he leaves his alive and non killer child to try to convince his killer son not to kill any more people. I get what happened to his son was awful and the entire situation was crazy. But why don’t you focus on the normal kid you DO have? Her mom is dead so you are the only one left for her. Don’t take the small chance that you can talk down el crazy kid when you got another kid to protect.
However…given how the daughter was “rebelling” in life she must have been neglected every single minute the brother went missing. So she never had a chance of being important in her father’s life. The lost son was more important than the right here daughter. So the father deserved to die.
However ignored daughter of sadness…why did you hand the insane brother the gun? You saw him coming and one could ASSUME that dear old dad is dead by his hands. So why didn’t you shoot him when he walked up to the cell? Surely he had to take time to find the right key? Basically this entire family was full of stupid people and it’s a good thing they are all dead. Sad that the son will never get any help. He is the one I feel sorry for in this series.
The Reeds
MOG PEOPLE! Two nights in a row I have no idea what is going with the movies on Sci-Fi. Well okay I understood the last movie. Just thought it sucked. But this one…NO ONE UNDERSTANDS! No really, go look. People on boards and forums are like so…what happened? Because NO ONE KNOWS! If no one understands your work you suck as a creative visionary person hard words insert here.
First off yeah I didn’t understand a word anyone was saying. Because I suck. I am a stupid American. But yeah I only understood half of what was being said and I really had to look really, really hard at the screen to try to use context clues of what was being said. So right off the bat I am confused.
The kids were dead all along. I get that. I also get that the scene with the kids attacking the boat might have been the scene from 20 minutes earlier in the movie where everyone was hiding in the boat and there was commotion outside. I GET THAT. Or at least I think get that. I don’t know at this point.
But um….so let me see. The dead girl is the mother to the main character/survivor girl? Like the girl looked 16 right? And main character girl was like 3 in that news article. Which I GUESS could be possible but whatever don’t want to think about it. So both of them go missing? Main character girl doesn’t know she is adopted? Dead 16 year old girl can recognize her grown child? Like wtf is this crap?!
Why is that area cursed? How did the dead kids get cursed? Did the old dude kill them or were the kids dead and then tortured the old guy? I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON HOW CAN I WRITE ABOUT THIS?! :( But if the survivor girl avenged her mom why is she now stuck in the crazy cycle and deadlike too?
So going with what I do know…that is a massive fail boat. Fail vacation too. I mean who goes on a tiny little boat in the middle of a swamp to have a good time. NOT ME! My vacations have hotels thank you. And the boat in question? VERY DURABLE! The boat holds up well when something hits it. NOT! Like wtf is that, a boat should be more durable than a car people!
I don’t even know what this was all about. Just…just no people. I mean there were some graphic deaths but it was way too hard to follow in terms of plot and…reason. Like why the hell were the kids burning a dog? Why can’t people die? WHY DID I WATCH THIS!!!
People watching The Reeds should be smoking weed beforehand. That way it will be funny and not stupid and horrible and horrible waste of time.
The Final
I only watched the last half of this movie. But I got the geist of what was going on. And in light of all the news stories of bullied kids and such…I am not sure this was a great movie to play or an awful movie to play.
I felt really, really bad for the girl who got her fingers chopped off and face melted off. I didn’t see the first half of the movie so maybe she was a major slim ball who deserved everything that was coming to her. But the fact that she was not going to hurt her friend touched at my heart a little. Just a little mind you. Yeah bullies have friends too and at least some of them know where the draw the line.
But home boy deserved to die. His friend is like NO NO I can’t hurt you and he goes and cuts her fingers off? Yeah he is scum and deserves to die.
I am not sure what was all of that with the black kid running and finding help. But since I didn’t see the beginning of the movie I was like OIC. Which I really didn’t. I am just glad he didn’t die as he also seemed semi decent.
Since I didn’t see the whole movie I am not sure how dramatic the bullied kids who were now hacking people up killing themselves really was. I mean they had a room full of kids, why didn’t they shoot them all and then kill themselves.
Kill Theory
This was a pretty awful SAW sequel. Maybe the worse one in the series.
Oh? It WASN’T a SAW sequel? Then I hope the SAW creators sue the directors. If they have anything. Since this movie was that bad.
See in the SAW movies Jiggy has a reason to teach people the value of their lives and what not. This dude…not so much. He had to kill his friends to save himself. That really, really sucks. He was boned if he tried to save even one other person. But then he was boned because he lived. Yay. So yeah I can see why he would want revenge.
But why would he want to get revenge on the Doctor? I can see wanting revenge on the cops or the judge by why go after the Doctor’s son? He randomly picked some kids and the son to prove his point. Which is he is crazy obviously. Because John had a reason for picking everyone and this dude was more like….let me take it out on someone who tried to help me.
But I guess in the long run the crazy person made the right choice. The Doctor’s son was ready to kill everyone to stay alive. Which is always nice. We can’t have a group of people who actually like each other. Where is the fun in that?
There were so many ALMOST dead but AHA I am still alive moments I lost count. Aim for the head people. Aim for the head.
Not sure how I feel about the last person standing. Usually cheaters die. The boyfriend was painted as being the hero and the cheated on girlfriend looked like a psycho killer when really she was just trying to survive. So…bleh I guess.
The Graves
So….why the pig noses? Yeah it is hard to blog about this without mentioning the random pig noses. Because when I am running around killing people that is what I am wearing people.
But I remember two sisters going on a road trip to New York or something. Maybe it was on last adventure before one of the sisters left. I guess it is not important. Just to get them to crazy town to see the townies.
OH! I think that there was a crazy priest or something trying to capture souls. Because that is what all crazy people want. Souls. Why don’t they ever want something else? And are different souls worth different amounts in hell?
I think the story would have been better had there been more people to start off with. Two girls started off the adventure and they both lived. The body count was kinda low (on the good guy side anyway).
I am having a real hard time remembering most of this movie. I know girls sucked at acting and by the end they were like okay time to keep driving like nothing ever happened. Crazy people I swear.
My Soul to Take
This was the best movie EVER! And by best I mean the director was clearly on crack, I have no idea why there were 3D goggles, and the main character couldn’t have been more annoying.
Talking about the 3D first. My friend and I have no idea why this movie was in 3D. Seriously I can’t remember one 3D scene at all. So it was not worth the three extra dollars. I can’t wait until this new 3D phase is over because it is not enhancing my movie experience at all people.
Moving on the main character. I don’t know if the character was annoying or the actor playing him was annoying. But either way he was annoying. Like I felt bad not liking him or picking on him because I thought maybe he was supposed to play a slow person. Like “bad words”? Really.
But yeah I think he was going for a good hearted geek and it totally didn’t work for me. Everyone else played their stereotypical roles perfectly. The weird friend, the bully joke, the crazy girl running the school, the side kick, the Christian girl on crack, and the Asian. Well I guess the Asian didn’t have time to be Asian did he? :( Fail.
So really are we to believe that the smallest male in the group was the killer all along? Heck maybe the girls were the bigger than Alex. How did Alex overpower everyone when I could beat his ass? It just doesn’t seem believable. That and there was too much running around that Alex would have had to do to kill people and be in the place he was supposed to be in. Just bleh.
Fang was the worst part of the movie. Her brother suffered that night too. Or he would have if he wasn’t a fetus. So why is she making his life miserable when they both came from a crazy household? Because in case people weren’t noticing she was acting creepy right after her father died too. So…I was half expecting her to be the bad sou. Useless character who was evil for no reason at all. Good job raising her Aunt Kidnap Some Kids.
So….yeah. If Bug has all the souls inside his body after they die…isn’t the bad soul in him now? Because yeah…..okay.
Also all those kids were separate personalities of Bug’s dad right? That is why Bug had them in him? Does that mean he will go crazy after the fact? Hey….if they were all born premature why was the blind kid the only one with problems? X_X
The bird scene was the best. The end.
Red: Werewolf Hunter
This movie sucked. The end.
I have to write more? BOOOOOOOOOO!
I had hopes for this movie because it was going to come on twice on Sci-Fi. That is usually a good indicator of when a movie is going to be “epic”. This was not the case.
I am not sure who to blame for the boyfriend getting turned into a werewolf. Should we blame the family for not trying to break the news to him gently? Should we blame the girlfriend for bringing him home TO THE WEREWOLVES to explain everything to him? Or should we blame the boyfriend for being a wimp and running off into the woods to cry himself to sleep?
I blame them all. But I guess Red has to marry someone so they can keep this family tradition going. Gotta train the next generation of slayers…I mean hunters.
I knew both of the brothers were going to die. Grandma (mom? I don’t know) not so much. But yeah saw the brothers and how they were reacting to the boyfriend and I knew they were toast. But they were really, really killed. X_X
I am glad that the hunters and the werewolves made a pact so the town would be safe. The town where NO ONE lives in. Because that makes sense. I will protect a town with no people in it. I will also fight for a car that has no gas in it and protect a zombie. Because it makes sense.
How did the werewolves change on command? I forgot. Because it was boring. And I was distracted by the girl with the frizzy hair.
But in the end I felt bad for the boyfriend. Had grandma had kept her gun to herself he would have stayed in the cage and not tried to kill her. Well he did kill her so I guess there is no try about it. But poor Red. The burden of killing a boyfriend that she dragged into this huge mess. WOE IS HER!
Predators
…I am pretty sure this movie was amazing. I only wish I saw it in theaters and not on a tiny little box on my computer.
First of all everyone was smart and on their game. A team full of geniuses and pros. Yet only two of them win. Because Predators are that hardcore. So this movie isn’t like most slasher fics when most of the cast consists of hapless idiots. These are awesome people trying to survivor and they still die.
Yes I just called a bunch of killers awesome. Because I can.
Second this was not a typical slasher fic because no one panicked. There was a bunch of back stabbing and anger issues but no one was crying in the corner waiting to die (well maybe the doctor…). Get in the bathroom, say three hail marys, and prepare to fight.
However…I thought the plot of the paralyzing flower and crazy doctor was lame. They didn’t show the doctor being evil at all during the movie and at the end there was no reason for him to paralyze the Latina while they were stuck in the hole. More like the movie was about to end and they have to throw that in there. If the doctor wanted to stay on Be Killed Planet then he could have run off and been his own crazy person. And don’t get me started on how the doctor was able to recognize a poisonous flower on an alien planet. Okay dude.
Crazy man was CRAZY! You think this guy is here to save our…villains but no. He is there to kill them and steal their weapons. Because that is what he does people. I mean you know he is crazy when he is muttering to himself but he seems so capable. He has Predator weapons, a place to live, and knows how to survive. Him losing his mind was AWESOME.
But can we have a movie with an Asian in it where the Asian doesn’t die for no reason? I mean…they all can’t want to die honorable deaths by fighting aliens with swords right? Some must want to run away right?
Dude I don’t know if I love or hate the new breed of Predators. Like I guess it makes sense there are different types of Predators. But the new, smaller ones look like they were wearing animal masks and they just looked too goofy for words. Also why were the big ones and the little ones on the same planet if they hate each other? Also maybe if they were going to introduce the new Predators they should have kept out the other types of aliens. Because I am the boss.
The main character was an ass. But super smart. Everyone was super smart though…
In conclusion….I might live in a Predator movie because I am Mexican. SO HAPPY XD
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