What the hell is your problem?!?!!

I usually try to space out my rant posts about my job a little better than this but seriously folks. Someone has poisoned the water hole or something.

Spoilers for ADULT LANGUAGE! XO

Am I rated R or PG-13? I forget the rules.


So I am driving along. Or at least I am trying to anyway. I am stuck behind someone who is going ten miles under the speed limit. Everyone around me is avoiding this slow person thus I can’t get out and go. Thanks slow dude. This is totally helping me out on a busy day.

Finally there is a break in traffic and I turn on my turn signal and go, as there is no one in that lane. Because that is the law and all. I start accelerating to the ACTUAL speed limit and am nearly passed slow dude when BAM he is in my lane and nearly in my engine. I slam on the breaks and scream WHAT THE FUCK to all the passengers in my car. Passengers being my purse and the empty pizza bag. Thankfully it was empty or that would have been another disaster. So yeah slamming on the breaks, fearing for my life, and praying not to wreck the car before Christmas. Or you know, splat.

They do and no one dies. Yet. Since I am not dead I take the opportunity to give the asshole a nice salute to let him know how much I appreciated his amazing driving. This is usually when someone flicks me off back or drives like a slow asshole because clearly they haven’t pissed me off enough. No no folks today was my lucky day!

Asshole SLAMS on the breaks again, stops the car in the middle of traffic, and gets out of it to scream at me.

Yes I am still alive.

WHAT THE FUCK PEOPLE?! I get cut off in traffic and now some lunatic is going to shoot me in the face? Okay scream at me but still. Is this the Twilight Zone? God can you hear me? It’s Tenchi. And you need to smite this asshole right now.

So according to the asshole (in between Fuck you bitch and what the fuck is your problem asshole) he turned on his signal and I shouldn’t be acting like a psychopath. Because in crazy asshole land if you turn on your signal you automatically are allowed over, despite the fact that someone else is IN the lane at that time. Really folks, what was I thinking? The Great Asshole Lord himself wanted to get over AND he used his signal. I should have read his mind and allowed him over. Or let him crash into my car. Either way not flick him off because that was RUDE.

I am not sure what part of the story is the stupidest. The part where I yelled back because I forget that I am commonly mistaken for an 8th grader, the fact that Asshole thought he was right, or that a cop drove passed this AND DID NOTHING! That is right folks. We were in the middle of a busy and full road STOPPED and cop didn’t stop to tell this asshole to move along. Or shoot him in the head. I feel super safe people.

Eventually after more yelling and profanities asshole got back in his car…and went 25 miles down the road. All the while I couldn’t get over because all the cars that were behind us before had gotten really pissed off and were changing lanes as fast as possible.

And this folks is why you should tip your pizza delivery driver. Because they might have had a near death experience seconds before arriving at your house.

Also I hate people.