Merry Christmas to you too customers!!!

During this time of year people are in more of a hurry than usual. Shopping needs to get done, pies need to get in the oven, and people are counting down the minute until their crazy relatives leave their house. Yay Christmas, bring on the stress!

Now despite this busy time please remember those in retail and the food industry. Because they have all those stresses AND they have to serve people who are all X_X about the holidays. So here are some helpful tips on making a pizza delivery driver’s life a little easier this holiday season.

Or maybe this is just a rant post that I am cleverly disguising as helpful tips. But would I really do that? XD


Hey. Guess what customers? It gets darks around 6:15 now and by 6:30 it is pitched black. You don’t feel like driving in the dark so you order your pizza for delivery. Fine. Maybe I will make some money off you. But here are some HELPFUL TIPS on getting your pizza to your house on time. AKA how to not piss me off royally.

If you live somewhere complicated PLEASE TELL US WHEN YOU ORDER. Like oh just a normal apartment building delivery right? WRONG. Turns out that your special apartment is the only one not in order and on the completely other side of the complex from some stupid reason and I am losing my mind trying to find it. Do you want your pizza? Then help us find your house and don’t use stupid vague directions. Saying we live off So and So road when So and So road is 5 miles long IS NOT HELPFUL!

Have numbers on your mailbox. I know it just a dream if you have them on both sides of your box but maybe have them on the side that faces the most likely way to go down your street. But yes when it is pitch black outside I can’t see the numbers on your house. Hell if the numbers on your mailbox are dark enough I won’t see them either. So get WHITE NUMBERS.

Also please don’t write the numbers on your mailbox with crayon. Like really people? I know you are rednecks who probably married your sister but you could afford some stickers or something?

PUT ON YOUR DOOR LIGHT! Like okay it is dark and you have no numbers on your mailbox. But usually the international sign of I Ordered a Pizza is having your lights on. That and it helps me see the driveway! Seeing is important in my ability to deliver you pizzas.

When you fail to have numbers on your house and have the lights on when I arrive TURN THEM ON WHEN GIVING ME THE MONEY. Giving me some wadded up money and slamming the door (because I don’t deserve thank yours after all) pisses me off. Most of the time it is just your way of not dealing with the fact that you aren’t tipping me but I would like to know I am getting the right amount of money before you cut yourself off from me. Because most likely it will not end well for either of us if the money turns up short.

PUT YOUR ANIMALS UP BEFORE I GET THERE!!! Hi it’s cold outside. Alternatively it could be hot outside. Or I have 5867 other deliveries and I am trying to go as fast as possible. In any event I don’t have time for you to spend 5 minutes screaming for Fluffy to come here, for you to tell your 3 year old to hold Fluffy, or for you to open the door and Fluffy runs down the street and now you are glaring at me. PUT FLUFFY UP!!! You know I am coming. Why are you acting like no one has never come to your house since owning the dog? This never happens with cats people, NEVER! So I am staring at you dog owners. I am not amused.

Are you using a coupon? Then how about you give it to me when you hand me the money?!?! No no it is better to sigh and go back to wherever it is you think the coupon is but get mad when it is not there and mumble under your breath as you look for it? HINT it is probably by the phone! You know, since you called me and read the conditions of said coupon? But yeah keep on glaring at me as I demand a coupon from you that gives you a free pizza.

And please if you are going to leave me out in the cold, spend 5 minutes putting up Fluffy, make it impossible to find your house, and generally make my life miserable PLEASE TIP ME! Just so we are all clear out there keep the change and the change is 25 cents is not a tip. It is also the year 2010. 1 dollar was fine for 1968 but not now folks. I got presents to buy too and I can’t even afford gas if you pay me in THANK YOUS.

I bought a warmer jacket today folks. Wish me luck.