SAW 3D, you're crazy, so I'm gonna call you crazy. OK, crazy?

So as part of my Pretend Birthday Day my husband took me to the movies. I decided to test his love for me and picked SAW 7 or otherwise known as SAW 3D!!! He passed with flying colors. I was especially impressed after we got our seats and found out the last one he saw was number 2. That is true love there people! After I tried to catch him up…he decided he didn’t care and would watch for the gore. Good times, good times.

THIS MOVIE WAS AMAZING!

Click to find out if I am lying or not!


If you guys thought I was telling the truth you need to review my SAW 5 and SAW 6 posts. Because obviously you are on crack. XD

Surprise surprise a diehard SAW fan was not impressed with the newest SAW movie. Scrape me off the floor.

Which is funny since I actually got my wish people. Gordon popped up at the end and was revealed to be John’s true apprentice. Something I have wanted for 3 movies now. So how can I get exactly what I wanted and still be all disappointed and frustrated with this series?

Because even when the director’s try to make the fans happy (AKA bringing back Gordon) it fails in a spectacular blaze of glory. Because if the directors were really listening they would have known we wanted Gordon to POOF at the end and say Game Over sucka! No no, what the directors decided to do was show a sliver of Gordon at the very beginning of the movie. Like oh yeah that dude who cut off his leg. Well obviously if they are showing this clip he still must be important MOG. And then…the real fail. The support meeting. OH OKAY! Gordon is sitting there chillin, silently judging Bobby and his liar self. I WONDER WHAT WILL HAPPEN NOW!!!! The cop of the day was acting stupid and all jerk like so SOMEONE has to go up against Hoffman. I WONDER WHO IT WILL BE!

So yes writers. Thank you. Thank you for taking something I really, really wanted to happen and making me all upset about it. Like it’s almost like going to a wedding and waiting for the cake to happen…and you get raisin bran cookies. Major letdown city. I don’t think I can describe in words how unshocking it was that Gordon was the real apprentice all along. Like oh okay Mr. Limping man being all cryptic. With no hero in sight duh he was going to be the last man standing. MOG people such anger over here.

Since I am having a hard time thinking of anything intelligent to say about Gordon, my letdown hero, I shall move on. Gibson sucks. I guess I am not shocked since most of the police force is dead at this point so now they are on the C- team. But yeah this is the first time I was hoping that the cop died. Like hurry up Hoffman this guy can’t act, he is a jerk, and him AHAing and figuring things out was like a cat figuring out balls roll.

Although…Gibson had the best sentence out of all the SAW movies. CRAZY! You are crazy Crazy! Hey Crazy! Like what was that? Amazing, that is what it was.

Hoffman is scary. Like he sewed his face back on people. He survived a trapped and was all gross and bloody and sewed his own face up! So yeah, that was hardcore…and I don’t believe Hoffman is that awesome. He isn’t Michael Myers okay.

But I am done with Hoffman. Of course if Hoffman really dies this time everyone is done with him but you know. I am done with him killing every cop, killing innocent people, and generally being an asshole. Also does he have any personality or is he a robot with everything he says? Is there a real reason why John thought Hoffman could ever be his replacement? Poor dead Amanda. Even if she murdered a few people at least…well I don’t know. Hoffman is the reason why Amanda failed John’s test so you know. Hoffman sucks.

Despite the fact that this movie sucked I thought the game (you know, the thing that no one really cares about anymore) was a lot better than movie VI. Although I was not impressed that it was the same format. Like…we just saw some dude trying to save a bunch of undeserving people. If anything why not make it a chick? Whatever. I have seen a lot of people get on Bobby for not saving anyone while Jeff, William, and Rigg saved some people. Yeah some of their things were kinda easy folks. Burn some toys, remove some nonfatal spikes (or put them in I don’t remember), and pick one person to live AUTOMATICALLY. But Bobby tried ya’ll. Like…homegirl kept screaming so she killed herself. Dude got STABBED and hold to hold a lot of weight while William only got stabbed. And homeboy failed to catch a key when Bobby did ALL THE WORK RIGHT! So yeah Bobby did well considering the tests.

And Bobby really got screwed. He did everything right but in the end Hoffman killed an innocent person which is NOT part of the games (AKA Daniel and Corbett). True it was a trap that Bobby said he survived but it was unwinnable thus Hoffman is evil and I hate him. Bobby learns his lesson and should have been allowed to go with his wife but Hoffman sucks and ruins everything.

The gore scenes were pretty gross which is probably the only reason why anyone goes to these things anymore. Real fans liked the series for the suspense and mystery part of it. There are enough horror movies out there with people getting hacked into pieces. Just..meh.

The best/worst part of the movie was Jill running. MOG people I don’t know how I kept a straight face. I have read the actress pulled something on the very first day but yeah. Wait for her to get better or make her dart. Don’t have her to the Potty Dance or whatever it was she was doing. Too funny for words.

I love No Arm. She was so real. Like hell no I ain’t happy. I AM MISSING AN ARM! I cut off my arm so I could live and another person died because of it. I learned that…PEOPLE SUCK! Thank you No Arm. I feel the same way. XD

Oh and I am slightly impressed that the writers still have ways to have flashbacks with John. At this point I thought all that was left unshown was John shopping at Ace Hardware for supplies and him graduating high school.

So….this movie gets at D-. Only because it was better than SAW VI. But the series is official dead people. I hope it ends now while it is only super bad and not really, really bad. And maybe it would be for the best, with Gordon looking at his decaying foot one last time before shutting in Hoffman.

But knowing movie producers Hoffman will eat his own leg, sew it back on, and hack Gordon into a million pieces in part 8. Sorry, SAW in SPACE!