Wednesday, June 4, 2014

You're my fairy Godmother!!! Maleficent review

Another movie review? It seems like forever since I wrote my last one. I do watch a lot of crappy Sci-Fi movies and I used to blog them all the time. Wonder why I stopped. In any event here is my latest attempt to spoil a movie for people and tell them what went right and what went wrong.
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I know EXACTLY who you are.
Since I am currently jobless my schedule is completely open for movies. Woohoo for going at the cheapest time possible. Although I was surprised to see so many people in the theater with us. Thought people would be passed out from high school graduations and what not. But I guess not. After dressing Duffy in his Maleficent ROBE (not a dress) and donning my own Maleficent ears it was time to sit down and watch Disney's newest attempt to modernize/live action...ize a cartoon they did a million years ago. So how did it turn out? If you haven't watched the movie yet turn back now. Do it now Beasties.

To get ready for this new movie I rewatched Sleeping Beauty cia 204 BC. Or 1959. Same thing. I must have only watched this movie a few times as a child as I know we didn't own a VHS of it. I was mainly a Beauty and the Beast/Aladdin kinda girl. Add in Tangled for now. XD So yeah the last time I saw Beauty and the Beast I am sure I was still in elementary school. Maybe even before the 4th grade. I know the basic story of it, like all Disney movies. But I couldn't remember a lot of details thus I wanted a refresher so I could see what would be changed during Maleficent. I think I made a good decision. 

Since I am not emotionally attacked to Sleeping Beauty I am not someone who is weeping tears for this new movie. I suppose when they make a live action version of Beauty and the Beast and make Gaston a sympathetic character which completely destroys the movie I will be reminded of this moment, on how I rolled my eyes at haters. For now my eyes are doing somersaults in my skull. I am a girl who grew up in a genre of Disney Princesses that were slowly gaining independence. Ariel was like EFF This, going to save the dude and defy my father. Belle didn't choose the obvious guy and had a brain....opinions! Pocahontas was like um you are completely wrong Mr. Dude but I will still pick my own path and save people while I am at it. Mulan JOINED THE ARMY to save her dad and her entire nation. Tiana WORKED her way to success, Rapunzel went on adventure through self discovery, and Merida was like....what boys?! And in Frozen the boys didn't save the girls, they saved each other.
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Wait I'm the main character?!
Once upon a time though Disney movies had little girls clamoring to be docile Princesses, waiting to be saved. It has been quite a while since I saw Snow White but I know she was pretty prominent in the movie, even if it was only to clean and sing to animals. Cinderella loved cleaning too but she had some backbone....you know for 5 seconds before she remembered to be a doormat. Sleeping Beauty should have been titled Every Other Character but Aurora. She was seriously only in two scenes while she was conscious. And for one of them Prince Philip is also there, singing along with her. Basically Aurora was in the forest gathering berries while her fairy family struggled with cake and cloth. Then she sobbed her eyes out on the way to the palace so she could stab her finger. That is it folks. Oh and she bows to her family at the end so she can dance with someone she just met but was supposed to marry anyway so I guess it worked out. That is it. Very short scenes. We really have no idea what this girl is all about. Almost like the idea of being a cursed Princess is enough to carry the movie, that we don't have to SEE the Princess.
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Duffy has way more personality than Sleeping Beauty!
So when people online are complaining about the age/look/acting of live action Aurora...what are they comparing it too? Because a rock could have been cast in this roll and the outcome would have been better than Sleeping Beauty cia 1959. The girl had no personality and barely any speaking roles. Aurora was talking up a storm compared to this old movie. And the movie is about Maleficent anyway. So if Aurora came off as a little....empty headed well...she is a 16 year old girl. That is how they are supposed to be, flowery and full of dreams and misunderstandings of the world. Sleeping Beauty in 1959 looked way too mature for me anyway. I have no problem with how this Aurora was portrayed.
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Just a giant no.
In the Disney original the fairies were almost the main characters verses Sleeping Beauty herself. The making of the birthday dress and cake was almost as long as all the scenes Beauty was in all together. They were....well special to say the least. But in the original they had brains, just not the knowledge or skill to do things without magic. In the new version of this movie Not Flora, Not Fauna, and Not Merryweather were beyond stupid. Like borderline Forest Gump. It really didn't help that they looked like the Queen of Hearts did in the new Alice remake. Their real human heads on their CGI bodies. The result was awful so you can't help but compare how dumb they were acting verses how dumb they looked. These fairies basically did nothing this movie besides be traitors, feed spiders to Aurora, and be incompetent. Given that this movie was about Maleficent one would think theses characters would be more fleshed out. 


King Stephan is the villain in this movie. Obviously. And some people are on the internets weeping and gnashing their teeth. I do think that things could have been fleshed out a little more. Like it was obvious that Stephan was power hungry but he did care for Maleficent. I saw him cutting her wings off as killing two birds with one stone. He gets to be king AND he protects the woman he loves by keeping her alive. Someone else would have killed her. So I saw that as an act of betrayed that saved her in the end. Instead of being eaten away with guilt King Stephan lost his damn mind all over the place. He was over the top obsessed and it became his downfall. He became what Maleficent hated about humans, greedy. I would even go as far to say he didn't care about his wife and Aurora after a while. Because once the curse was over Maleficent would come after him. He cared not about his subjects which confuses me. He was called out as being a liar about killing Maleficent yet no one challenged him.
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Haha an evil fairy cursed my daughter after her infant engagement to her son and she is now a stranger to me. HAHA time for booze!
So people (probably sad Menz) are calling foul on this portrayal of King Stephan. I really don't have a high opinion of 1959 Stephan. I know it was the TIME of the 1600's to marry off your daughter without any consideration of their feelings. Love marriage is a new concept. Heck even the age difference wasn't a big deal between infant Aurora and 7ish Prince Philip. No no folks what I have a problem is that Stephan is no Rapunzel Daddy. That proud man was CRYING at the 18th anniversary of Rapunzel being kidnapped. He and his wife RAN to see their daughter upon her return. They truly loved her. Stephan? Well him and Mr. Philip Daddy were making jokes and getting drunk. When Aurora came back it was basically all business. Like bow, thanks for coming back, now dance with your husband. I didn't feel the warmth. So while he wasn't the villain in 1959 he wasn't winning any father of the year awards with me either. All of that being said the actor playing him could have done a better job at being human if that was his job. Make me feel something disgust over your unkempt self.
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No kisses for me.
In the new movie the crow actually has a part. When I saw the previews I assumed Maleficent was going to turn evil because of a lost love and I thought he was that human. Well he turns out to be a creature that Maleficent saved and it made sense why he served the fairy. Only he didn't just do her bidding and follow her blindly. He became her conscience if you would. At once point I assumed Mr. Crow was going to be the true love or one of the love interests, what with the way he was always looking at her. But it turns out his relationship with Maleficent was more important. Perhaps in the future Aurora could make a choice as she KNOWS Mr. Crow but yeah. He was a great addition to the movie and I thought the man playing him did a great job. Also if you compared the movies he did a MUCH better job actually finding Aurora. 16 years and Maleficent had no idea where Sleeping Beauty was. You could SEE the castle from her cottage folks. Sorta like how people in Tangled didn't look that hard either. 


Prince Philip was nothing in this movie. He had way more time in the 1959 movie. Like way more scenes and lines that Sleeping Beauty did. In this new movie Philip (looking way more age appropriate) literally ran into Aurora in the forest before going to the castle. It is never explained why he was there. They talked for 5 seconds and there was no song. Puppy love/love at first sight. Maleficent had a bit of tongue and cheek moment. I AM LOOKING FOR A GIRL....of course you are. Maleficent doesn't buy into this true love nonsense for a good reason yet still tried to save Aurora with said boy after the curse took place. Only Philip himself was like wait kiss and save the girl? I barely know her! So that was his role in this movie. To show us that past Disney movies are full of crap, falling in like because a pretty girl smiled at him. True love? Maybe true one night stand. He shows up at the end of the movie like he has something to do with anything. It worked with Frozen, with Kristoff and Anna being all awkward but it didn't work in this case. I think a scene with Aurora being crowned Queen of her Kingdom and him showing up there would have worked. Like okay lets work on being in an alliance before marriage. I didn't like him showing up at Fairyville acting like he belonged. Maybe it would have been better if he had showed up and Mr. Crow glared at him. So....Prince Philip was a BIG part of the story in 1959, because girls need saving and he had a dragon to fight and a father to drive crazy. New Philip was a lost 16 year old kid who was like um danger no thanks! 

This is all leading up to Maleficent. Sorry if this isn't a summary of the movie. Just go to Wiki and then come and read my opinions. The movie was about her so I assumed there was going to be some backstory. I did also assume she was going to be the baddie but have her point of view explained. Like yeah I cursed a kid and became a giant a dragon but bish please. They were asking for it. Given what happened in this movie if she has turned Aurora to the darkside and blew up both kingdoms I think that would have been a more legit and reasonable movie. But what we got was a kind fairy who had a dark time in her life and came back to her normal self after seeing innocence, an innocence she thought was lost in herself. She is not a baddie folks, just a scorn woman and a lot of people online take this to mean MOG how dare womenz portray themselves in a realistic and dimensional way.
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So you took my wings, became king, and started a little family. How wonderful for you.
People seem to be pissed that their favorite villain of all time has become a softie. I think that people have Sleeping Beauty colored glasses. I think Maleficent via 1959 WAS more evil. Was more sinister. She was not invited to a party and cursed a baby and turned into a dragon later. Being a badass character doesn't really make her the best villain of all times though. People think her being evil for the sake of evil makes her all the better. I find that lazy. Like all the other fairies like the humans but her...why? She works for the devil and goes to the party...why? Has all this magical power but can't find a princess for 16 years....why? Turns into a dragon that breathes green smoke and has crazy powers yet gets taken out by one flick of the wrist....why? I think people are forgetting Sleeping Beauty and have built up the movie in their heads. That it is much better than it really is and think that giving Maleficent heart and soul destroys her character. She didn't have much to begin with. But if you compare her to Sleeping Beauty...yeah Maleficent was super fleshed out in the movie. It is good to be bad for no reason folks! 

So Maleficent was a scorn woman. She was weary of humans to begin with, let one into her heart, and he stomped all over her affections. Quite frankly I think she should have been mad at her fairy folk too. She was clearly the strongest and took the task of protecting them to heart. So when the humans come and cut off her wings/declare war....they all become afraid of her. Well most of them. Yeah ungrateful assholes. Sure the magical land of fairies lost a few flowers and she might have smiled a little less but that was not enough to be scared of her. And it certainly wasn't enough for fairies to BETRAY her. I mean nonFlora, nonFauna, and NonMerryweather betrayed Maleficent straight up. It's not like 495325 years had passed since the war. Things were still fresh and on edge. Stephan didn't even want the three fairies there (which makes him giving them Aurora all the more plot holey) yet there they went with their magic, spitting in the face of Angelina Jolie who did so much to protect their asses. I would have cursed their bitchassness too along with the Princess. Ungratefulness all over my screen.

At the time of the movie I was rollin my eyes at Maleficent and her keeping Aurora alive. Like I think you can make the King suffer if you just outright killed the kid or let her die. But the point was making him suffer for 16 years, worrying and getting the satsification that she would be the one to do the suffering. If Aurora died because pink, green, and blue (or yellow..) let her wander off a cliff that might be an empty victory. So instead of a plot hole I am calling this an ohhh I see now. Had Maleficent actually left Aurora alone for those 16 years she might have remained a baddie and turned into a dragon later to eat Stephan. But she didn't and grew close to her ugly Beastie. People are pissed off at that but if Aurora is so lovely to capture the heart of a random boy at a moment's glance why is it unlike that after seeing a child for 16 years could Maleficent not change too? Maleficent hated humans for their greed and what not. Aurora changed her perception of that so Maleficent trying to stop the curse and actually enjoying the kid isn't that far out of the realm of possibilities.
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Wai the clip cut off before the exact moment of the awesome face!
The best part of the entire film (besides all the stuff shown in the trailer, taken from the source material) was Aurora calling Maleficent her fairy godmother. There was a build up of this dumb young girl all dancing in the grass and thinking the best of everyone and one would think it would be ruined with Maleficent revealing herself. Nope. Aurora was all smiles and was like DERP You are my fairy godmother. The look on Angelia Jolie's face was priceless. Like did this bitch really just say that? You are too dumb to live. The entire theater burst out into laughter. So yeah folks...this isn't Sleeping Beauty. 

Since I am not an insane person who sees evil and manipulation in everything....there was no hidden “gay agenda” in this movie. People who think that are insane. Also what is the gay agenda? To some people it means destroying the concept of reality and spitting on their bigotry. To others, mostly gay people, it is getting equal rights and not being stoned to death when exchanging same sex kisses. Clearly I stand on an obvious side of this debate so if this movie had gay elements in it I would be singing it's praises. But folks...it was not. This movie was about Maleficent having a MATERNAL love towards Aurora. The girl was raised by three barely functional morons and spent exactly 5 seconds with either parent the entire movie. Maleficent grew into a mother figure to her and Maleficent saw her as a child under her care, daughter or god daughter. It became pretty obvious to me during the mud slinging (actual mud) that Mr. Philip was not going to be the true love's kiss. I thought MAYBE it might be the crow but when Maleficent tried to break the spell and it failed I was like...yep...it is Maleficent. Because TRUE LOVE doesn't have to be romantic. Some people think this is copying Frozen which...would be impossible as I am sure both movies were being made at the same time and neither knew how the other was going to work out in the box office. If anything this is more like Brave, you know with an actual mother/daughter story. But the bottom line is that Disney is embracing a FAMILY love which most people would consider to be more important than a day long romance. So given how the movie was moving along....yeah this made sense. Stop making it dirty people.
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No redemption for me weee!
So I think it is safe to say that I liked the movie. Way more than Alice In Wonderland. Probably because Johnny Pirate Face wasn't in it, ruining my childhood. Willy Wonka indeed. Snow White was barely recognizable in the Huntsmen movie but I think people were more into bashing the actress than the movie. I don't think anyone would argue that Angelia Jolie killed it in this movie and I am still on Team Aniston. Yet this movie had some....well problems. I still think there was lost potential between Maleficent and Stephen. I think if Maleficent would have visited Stephen during the years, to either torture him or give herself hope of love it would have been better. Instead he was just acting insane all over the place. The ending of the movie was a little weak, especially since Stephen spent the last 16 years getting ready for the attack. I think if Maleficent had put herself in danger to protect Aurora from crazied Stephen it would have been more powerful. That a little bit of remorse and hopelessness could have been exchanged between Maleficent and Stephan before he died. Maybe due to his insanity a machine would almost accidentally kill Aurora and Stephan and Maleficent would both risk their lives for the girl and as Stephan died he would smile, saying I kept them (her wings) safe for you and you kept her safe for me. That way Stephan wouldn't die the total villain. Instead Aurora is an orphan and Princess all in the same day. The non fairies were awful. Completely awful. And Stephan just went to war with these fairy folk and they agree and he agrees to take away his daughter. It really made no sense at all. It also made no sense why Maleficent didn't save Aurora. Like oh you want to come live with me? Well let me put you under my sleeping spell again until your damn birthday passes and all will be well! I mean did you see any spinning wheels in fairytown? Didn't think so. Seems like the obvious way to go. Then again actually burning said spinning wheels would make sense too and we can see how that turned out. The actor playing Stephan sucked. Um I know there was one more plot holey thing I had but I can't remember now. The husband was bummed that Maleficent wasn't the dragon. During the previews weeks beforehand he was like the fire is not green it is all a lie.
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Duffy gives this movie two paws up.
So in short...it could have been a longer, more fleshed out movie. More interaction between Maleficent and Stephan. And the non fairies could have sucked less. But overall I thought it was a good movie. I feel as if people were expecting super evil Maleficent and when she went out of her way not to kill humans despite hating them I think it put a bad taste in people's mouth. The ones that think Sleeping Beauty can only be told in one way and now all Disney Villains will have their day in court. Can you imagine poor Scar being denied food so his brother will get the best cuts. Or Ursula being kicked out of the palace because of Trinton's jealously? Riots in the streets folks. To me she represents EVIL but in terms of Disney Villains Frollo and Khan (from Mulan) did way more damage than Maleficent via 1959 did. But since neither of them turned into a giant dragon and danced the dance of hell they don't count. I think if the trailer showed more of what the movie was about instead of the view instances of when the new movie and old movie actually matched up people wouldn't be weeping in the streets. Oh who am I kidding. People would be mad no matter what. Especially since Once Upon a Dream only takes place in the credits. As for me....well I enjoyed the movie. Obviously it is not a masterpiece like The Thing but it will do. I will eventually watch this movie again for free just to see the You're My Fairy Godmother scene over and over again. XD

2 comments:

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