Monday, June 30, 2014

Gokukoku no Brynhildr episode 12: Everyone needs a brain condom

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How about more doing and less talking?
Seriously folks. What the hell is this episode?! I don't even know. I don't even know. Maybe you shouldn't click this and read what I have to say. Just forget that this series exist, like I should have. But then you won't know how it ends and I know how bothersome not knowing is. What to do what to do. Well if you do read this blog post about Gokukoku no Brynhildr episode 12 be prepared for....a lot. A lot of insanity. Don't say I didn't warn you.
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Because he's the bad guy?
Episode Summary Crack Tenchi Style: Oh snap Valkyria is in our secret hideout and she looks an awful lot like Neko. Neko doesn't remember Valkyria but Valkyria is all boo hooing instead of explaining why this matters. Mr. Creepy walks in and is like whats up my former bitches, time to die. Valkyria points out that #1107 (47?) Kotori is right there so she should get sex and kisses and maybe crepes. Wait Kotori is the chosen one? Mr. Creepy looks bored and tells Valkyria to get to killing. She is not happy that this order includes Neko but appears it is not chicks before dicks with her. Hatsuna pokes her head around the corner as if to say what's up....and sees what is really up. Ryouta forms a plan and knows that his extensive time spent with Hatsuna will allow her to get it without words. Ryouta throws himself on the ground and tells Mr. Creepy he wants to live and doesn't care what happens to these hoes. As the rest of the girls look on Hatsuna is like score, I can hang up Valkyria from behind and we will all live happily ever after for the next week. Hatsuna and her ninja skills almost accomplish this but she finds out Valkyria has some custom made harnest, not the tired old rags the rest have. Valkyria cuts Hatsuna in half again, like bitch didn't I already kill you once. Mr. Creepy reminds Valkyria it is the killing hour and to get to it. Kotori tries to sacrifice herself and Ryouta begs Mr. Creepy to allow the girls to live, that they just want to be normal and go to school and be naked all the time around him. Valkyria responds by attempting to kill everyone but only hitting Ryouta on his side. Probably a lot of his side but we can't be seeing the actual carnage folks. All the girls start to cry and Mr. Creepy sorta watches this take place instead of immediately taking action. All the girls take their time to sob over Ryouta while Valkyria sorta looks confused. Before she can kill everyone but the all important Kotori her magic is disabled and some badly dressed nuns/people in black pop in. Mr. Creepy and Valkyria seem to understand who they are and that they have an Anti Magic person with them, a young boy. Before the young boy can look all smug Mr. Creepy done shots the boy and Valkyria disappears herself, Mr. Creepy, and Kotori away. Ryouta is pretty much dying on the ground at this point and all the remaining girls are heartbroken. The random German people that arrived are busy yelling at the boy for being shot and not probably stopping Valkyria because THEY wanted to kill all the witches. Kazumi looks like she wants to off herself because there is no hope while Neko begs Ryouta to hang on.
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Well...if that's the case...
As Ryouta starts to die Nanami appears to him as she lives in his brain. She tells him she knows how to stop Valkyria, that there are only two witches the lab really fears. Kotori is one and Neko is the other because she has super awesome powers. Ryouta dies before he can tell Neko what he knows or before Nanami finishes talking. Hatsuna and her nondead self appears on the staircase because you know how she was upstairs during all of this and not cut in half on the floor directly behind Ryouta. She is all like oh Ryouta's heart stopped. That's fine. I can totally save him and things will be great. Well maybe. Because my magic can heal others too but since he is so hurt I will die in the process. Without any tears or regrets or really any emotions at all Hatsuna puts her hands INTO Ryouta and heals him Jason X style while she melts in a puddle on the ground. Ryouta is still dead so Kana the forgotten tells the girls to do CPR on his ass. Soon Neko and Kazumi get him back to not being dead so he can feel awful about himself for allowing Hatsuna to die. Now that Ryouta is okay the German or whoever they are people awkwardly remind the group they are here to kill them all and to please pay attention. What is the point of this all?! Turns out these people used to work at the lab but once they found out how insane everyone is they deflected. They explain to mainly Ryouta that the lab is breeding witches so they can be hosts for some sort of aliens. See the aliens made us once ago, look it up in a book. The lab was waiting for a certain kind of gooey alien to be born, the queen. And once the queen hatched all life on Earth would break down worse than Orange Tang and it would be wonderful. And this queen alien thing is inside of Kotori. So to save the world all the witches have to die. Neko, Kazumi, and Kana start on fresh tears while Ryouta is still convinced everything will be okay and he can save the day. No really he can folks. These random saviors of the world argue over when Kotori's alien will hatch and if they have time. Kazumi decides NOW she has the ability to hack into files and find Mr. Creepy despite the lab tracking their every move. She hooks herself up and fights off another computer witch and gets the location of Mr. Creepy. How dare his parents have a summer house. Ryouta tells the saviors of the universe that since they got the information they should be allowed to try to save Kotori. Yeah because that makes no sense. Everyone but Kana hop into the helicopter to their doom. Elsewhere the league of very important chair people are explaining the plot of the series to Mr. Creepy in case he didn't know. They think that making this alien will help reset the world back to how it should be. Maybe they have special suits that will save them. Mr. Creepy seems to have other plans as he waits for Kotori to wake up. See it turns out that someone he used to knnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnow died but he kept her brain alive by cutting her head off and feeding it healthy food. Then...he did something and put the dead girl's consciousness in Kotori's brain so the queen alien can be the dead girl? After pinching myself to see if this was real life I lost track of where I was and what was happening but the dead girl MIGHT not be in Kotori now? Maybe it is Valkyria who is creepin behind the doors? I don't know but Kotori wakes up and Mr. Creepy explains to her how she will give birth to something awful and no one else's life matters but the dead girl. Kotori very slowly misses the point and asks if Valkyria matters. Mr. Creepy is like um no bitch only giant alien queens who will destroy the world and make life worth living matter. Valkyria is upset but TADA Kotori starts to glow blue, indicating that she is about ready to give birth to this creature. And by give birth I mean this thing is suppose to eat her. THE END!
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Is that REALLY the point Kotori?
What the hell did I just watch? No really. Really folks. What the hell did I just watch? I feel as if I lost about 10 IQ points by watching that hot mess. It was like Sharknedo on crack with aliens. Ghost of Mars looks like a masterpiece compared to...THIS. I mean...where to start, where to start?! X__X
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:( Maybe if I kill you you will remember me?
I guess I should start at the beginning. Or find some acid to trip on so things can make a bit more sense than they do right now in my brain. Valkyria and her 389248 kinds of magics has popped into the conservatory. It turns out that she was NOT on the helicopter and she has the ability to move others and herself. Makes Kotori's power looks even more lame yes? HAHA poor Kotori. But yes hello there Neko. This would be Valkyria talking to Neko who obviously doesn't remember the girl. Because Neko can't even remember to own more than one pair of clothing. Is this Valkyria/Mako person a sister or a friend? HMMMM I guess it doesn't matter because Ryouta is obliged to save all the womenz.
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Knock me over with a feather....
Before Ryouta can even begin to reason with Valkyria Mr. Creepy walks in. I guess I could start using his name since there are so many episodes left. Mr. Chisato and his boring entrance is like....get #1107 or whatever number he said and kill the others. This includes Neko which makes Valkyria sad. You didn't say anything about killing Neko!!! Yeah folks, it turns out that Neko is not what Chisato wants. It was....KOTORI. Mog eating my words is nasty. They taste like...well I don't know. Not something yummy. Valkyria is upset that she is being ordered to kill Neko but was willing to go through it for Chisato. I am thinking she doesn't have a split personality, just in love with Chisato and insane.
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AW where did my begging screenie go? :( I has the sadness.
Ryouta and his teenage self things he has all the plans. All the amazing plans of world. He throws himself on the ground and begs Chisato to not kill him, he doesn't even know these bitches. The old distract everyone with crazy while someone sneaks up behind the witch and hangs them up. It has worked before so you can't really blame Ryouta. And since Hatsuna, the girl late to all the commotion, can glue herself back together Ryouta can fling himself on the ground with his tears and Hatsuna can save the day. What could go wrong with this amazing plan of ingenuity?
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How come hers is better than ours?!
Turns out that Valkyria has the best harnest out of all the witches. It is blinged out like crazy and Hatsuna has no idea how to hang her up. She really shouldn't have gotten that close with all of Valkyria's amazing powers and Chisato's ability to plan ahead but meh. Hatsuna still ended up sliced and diced on the ground. Chisato was not really impressed with these antics and wants Valkyria to hurry up and kill everyone. They got things to do. Neko and her little blasty powers aren't that impressive and Kotori pretending to sacrifice herself was funny too. Valkyria turns a normal mountain in a volcano, I don't think a 5 second heard start is going to help. Instead Chisato will tell Valkyria to start the killing and with slight regret in her eyes she does. Only Ryouta pushes Neko out of the way and gets a chunk of his side blasted away for his effort. OH SNAP!
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HOW DARE YOU CHEAT!
Chisato does not use his time wisely and immediately attack again. He probably should have since helicopters are rather loud and can't he hear the cavalry arriving? He didn't pause too long, like some villains do when they think they have the upper hand. Still hesitation is hesitation and POOF Valkyria is unable to blow the rest of the witches away. Too bad Chisato doesn't have a gun or anything. BAM! We got some new characters up in this episode. I don't know if they are the people in the black coats from Akihibara or if they just work for them. Surely it doesn't matter because this series is ending next episode. Anyway they are here to kill the witches, all of them. Hand Kotori over now. Because this show is magical they brought along a magical boy who stops magic powers from working. That is very handy because witches has proven to be useless without their magic, very confused and child like. And Chisato does not have a gun so this is a real victory. Color me surprised and purple when this anti magical boy gets shot by Chisato. I mean....why didn't Chisato just SHOOT Neko when she was all crying over Ryouta? Because folks. Because. Being shot means the magical boy can't stop Valkyria from using one of her 934 magics to teleport Kotori, Chisato, and herself away. It's a shame that Kotori doesn't have the ability or intelligence to switch places with Mr. Non Magic Boy. Haha especially if Valkyria was flying. Then Valkyia, Chisato, and Mr. Non Magic Boy could have all died weee! This did not happen but don't worry, more craziness did.
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But she'll probably die so....
Once those three GTFO Ryouta dying on the floor is very sad again. Please accept our tears and live on in our hearts Ryouta. Neko tells Ryouta to hang on, that it's only a flesh wound. I am pretty sure once your insides are on the outside it is game over but Neko hasn't had much schooling so maybe she doesn't know that. Ryouta is still super popular in his time of death though as Nanami the.....witch that lives on in his brain pops up to tell him what is up. All the information she gives him is information she could have given him the first time she talked to him. Instead she programs herself to talk to Ryouta when all is lost. Or half his organs anyway. Her important information on how they can live involves Neko and how she is strong enough to defeat Valkyria. She just has all the magic stored up in her and locked away because she is so powerful. Does that mean Neko has a super queen in her too because otherwise I would kill Neko outright, before she left the lab on a suspicious bus. I wonder if Neko uses all of this new magic will she completely lose every memory she has. I bet Valkyria receives them instead and that will explain the split personality.
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What a world what a world!!!!
Do you know what Ryouta does with this information? Nothing. He dies. I would hope so since he lost part of his side there. The random people in black must be baddies as they allowed the girls to have their moment of NOOOO instead of taking out their targets. But all is not lost because Hatsuna has returned from upstairs. Yeah upstairs folks. She takes the news of dead Ryouta well even though he is her boyfriend of 5 minutes. His heart just stopped beating ya'll, no big deal. It's not like they can jump it as he still has a giant hole in his body. Don't worry though guys...Hatsuna's healing magic can work on other people. Once though. Or maybe just once in this instance because Ryouta is that injured. Ryouta can be healed if Hatsuna uses all her magic and melts. I am not sure why this is. I mean I know this has to happen because the opening song now is a lie and it's more dramatic but since Hatsuna was unkillable except in two circumstances...you know, this just seemed special and slapped together. Not to mention creepy as Hatsuna was okay with dying. She had enough pills to maybe last Kogoro making new pills. But I guess those 5 minutes she spent with Ryouta really mattered as she casually laid her life down for the boy. I'm melting, i'm melting what a world what a world.
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Okay this makes sense but just wait. They keep talking.
After Ryouta is healed, given the breath of life, and news (well not really news) that Hatsuna has died for him..it is time for the rest of the witches to die. Since Ryouta is armed with machine guns and mass weapons for war the people in black are super scared of his ability to stop them. Enough so that they will take the time to tell everyone what is up and why they want to kill witches. Or make this show insane. The only way this story could have gotten any more convoluted is if Neko's real name was Katniss and she was on the run because she turned her kingdom to ice after watching a creepy video that would lead to her death in 7 days unless she finds Neo and saves Princess Peach. That was my reaction while watching this episode. Like this entire series might have had a good premise, slightly...special with teenagers making questionable decisions. But then BAM the series is coming to an end and we barely have touched any of the major plot points because boobies and Ryouta is amazing.
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Sounds like the best plan ever folks...if you are on drugs.
So folks....aliens. Alien remains that were found 100 years ago weren't from recent alien visits. Or if it was it doesn't matter. Because aliens MADE humans. It is like the plot of Prometheus but with breasts and no adults. According to the League of Chairpeople later they think they are carrying out the alien's plan, making some sort of human race or maybe just making it how the aliens would have wanted it. But these people in black robes with bad attitudes used to work for the lab and found out what would happen if the lab succeeded. Alien embryos were planted in the girls' necks to breed mature aliens. Like Aliens. Obviously since everyone was running around and killing witches making a superior human race was not in the cards. Nope they were trying to make a Queen Alien that would be born and turn everyone back into ooze, like what happens to the witches when they melt. Because folks. Because.
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Is Ryouta really in the position for making rules and demands?
The girls did not take the news well. I don't think I would have either. An alien is in my body and I will turn into a giant monster when it eventually happens. So if they have the pills or not it doesn't matter. They are going to die. Kill us now. However Ryouta and his logical brain still thinks they will be okay. They will just put them in stasis on the ship and on route to Earth they can do an operate since this is Alien 3 and Alien Resurrection. Oh and Ryouta has to rescue Kotori who SURPRISE has the Queen inside of her. The one they should kill the most Ryouta wants to save. Kazumi manages to pull herself together to locate Chisato because at this point does it matter anymore? Their hiding spot has been discovered. What I thought was the most special was the people in black robes didn't gun everyone down after receiving this information. That is what I would have done to save the world. Instead they are working with Ryouta because. Just because. Just like Hatsuna didn't know Kotori was worth mentioning and Kana can move. Details that will come to nothing.
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I am pretty sure that is now how science works...
Back in space the Chair people sorta yell at Chisato and talk about their creepy plan more so the audience can really be messed up and not care. Like okay you are all insane, no one cares. Instead I will focus more on Chisato and how he is individually insane. Remember that Kogoro used to work with him and the man was brilliant. Cared about nothing in life but finding out the secrets of the world. Even if it cost the world it's life. Well it turns out that Chisato does care about something. Some dead girl. Like super dead girl. And after watching an episode of the Walking Dead Chisato decided he could keep the girl alive by making sure her brain was okay, in tact. Until he could put it in a witch's brain or an alien brain. Do these aliens even have brains? I am sure it is in the alien as the Queen will be the only thing left alive after the great Tanging. Why Chisato why. How does this make any sense?! And lets pretend this does work. Will this girl (probably your sister) want to be alive in any way after all the horror you have done? Like MOG my brother killed the world and I am giant alien gross thing doomed to be alone. Why is this happening to my soul?!
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Of course it is alien Queen time. XD
Kotori might have lost her memories or her own mind because she tried to reason to Kogoro. Like this story of craziness was somewhat sad to her. Like bitch you should be sad there is an alien Queen growing inside your neck. Stop worrying about how Valkyria is feeling about all of this. Like really folks....really. The only thing that could happen now that would cause me to roll my eyes into the back of my head is if this Queen hatched RIGHT NOW. It could be years or next week but definitely not today so Ryouta has time to save her. Then....like some sick joke..Kotori glows blue. It is alien time people. Of course it is!!! My brain folks...my brain...I just can't.

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