Sucky customers: People raised by wolves need not come to my store!

I want to say something totally off topic before I start this post. I know the new season of Kuroshitsuji is out and I should have blogged about it yesterday. However my family decided to plan a random vacation on me so Kuroshitsuji season two episode one and probably Uragiri wa Boku no Namae wo Shitte Iru episode 13 will have late posts. I am sorry. Family fun calls. I will try to get them up as soon as possible. Now on with the stupid customers who plague my life.

Ah another week another crop of bad customers. Thankfully these bad customers like to space themselves out with at least a few hours in between. If I had all these customers in one night/right in a row I might be up on the roof with a rifle. XO I have very little patience for people in general and customers like this aren’t helping.

I would like to note some of our regulars are pretty nice. My manager is good at learning their names which makes people happy (I’m not so great but I make it up with my fake smile and SUPER HAPPY CUSTOMER SERVICE VOICE). But I don’t think it would be much of a post if I wrote about how nice people are and that they tip us for no reason and aren’t we lucky they come in each week. However I don’t want people to think we only have demons as customers. So thank you great customers for making the day brighter or at least tolerable. If everyone was a super special snowflake I might pass out and die.

Proceed with caution. The following might cause you to rage. Or maybe you will laugh at my pain and suffering. But in any event…some people suck.

Thank you for serving our country. Really, thanks. Even if I suspect that it is your husband who actually is the one who serves/served our country thank you anyway. I know how it is to be a military wife. But you are pissing me off. Were you seriously angry because we don’t offer a military discount? I am guessing yes since you told us that you were going to find someone who did offer such a discount. WOW! A military discount is a nice offer but not a given. You don’t sign up for the military and you are given discounts at all retail stores and restaurants for the rest of your life. Some businesses offer that discount but it should not be expected. So….you suck.

Also have fun finding someone who can give you a large pizza for under 8 dollars. They might give you a military discount but I am positive our pizza will be cheaper and bigger than theirs even after their 10 percent off. So…you suck even more.

Oh hi angry man. I really wish I could have talked to you but I was on the phone. I really wanted to hear all of the conversation but silly me I had to be polite to the person who was being a good customer. I did watch you flounce out the store like a psychopath and it was fun watching everyone stare at you. So after my phone call I got the info on your spaz attack. You called earlier in the day to order some pizzas. You placed the pickup time between 5-5:30. That is a rather long pickup time but whatever; people get off work at different times and the traffic sucks and blah blah. So when you came to our store at 5:05 you demanded your pizzas. Err we are still making them. We decided that we would time the pizzas for about 5:15. That way if you were early the wait wasn’t long and if you were there at 5:30 the pizzas would still be fresh and easier to transport since they were MOG BURNING CHEESE HOT. No. This was not good enough for you. So thanks for flouncing jerk. I am just glad we didn’t have 6 wasted pizzas because of your ass. You came in looking for a fight and it showed.

Speaking of looking for a fight HEY JESSICA! Yeah you angry customer lady. When you called on the phone you were already super mad about the last time you ordered. Apparently you ordered your pizzas crispy. Now people’s definition of crispy are really, really different. Some people mean golden brown, some people mean super brown, and some people mean 10 seconds away from being inedible (? That looks spelled wrong…). So really when you start crying that your pizza wasn’t right last time I am rolling my eyes. Anyway I told you the wait time before you ordered there was no reason to be dramatic and say I GUESS THAT’S OKAY. Cause really, it doesn’t have to be okay. We don’t need your permission to be busy. If the wait time is too long go order somewhere else because we don’t need your snotty attitude.

But you ordered because my life is awesome. When you arrived early to pick up your pizzas you were pissed off that they were not ready. You started yelling at the employee on the phone with a sane customer. Then you got an attitude with me when your food was ready. I told you on the phone that the wait was 30-35 minutes. It took 40 minutes. Yes we were 5 minutes late. But you arrived 15 minutes early which made you think that you wait an hour for your pizza because you suck at math. If we are so horrible stop calling us. We do our best to estimate the correct time. You waiting an extra 5 minutes is not tragic. GO AWAY!

Dear crazy scammers. LEAVE US ALONE! We are not going to fall for your stupid scam. And if you thought we were stop calling from the same phone with the same story. Do you honestly think we are that stupid? Also if you try to scam us one night don’t call back 5 minutes later hoping someone else answers. Really I am embarrassed for you.

I am sorry your phone/your connection was super crappy. Really I am more sorry for me as of course you wanted a delivery and of course you were paying with a credit card and of course you were angry for no good reason. But thanks for making me feel stupid when I asked you to repeat yourself and you went so fast I got 2 numbers out of 16. So yeah I put you on hold to get someone who could explain to you that YOU need to talk slower and not have an attitude when you have a crappy phone. But what I really appreciated was when you told me “To speak like you want people to understand you”. -_- Asshole.

Yes we do clean up after you when you leave. It’s part of our job. While it is kind for someone to try it is not necessary. HOWEVER we don’t like cleaning up after people when they leave every square inch of the table and chairs covered in crap. I mean, do you eat like that at home? Probably not. So don’t eat like that at my store. There is no reason for you to cover the table with crushed red pepper flakes and huge piles of grease. There is no reason for every single piece of crust and napkin to end up on the floor. Really you are all just pigs and I hate you. Go away.

Hey single people or couples. Stop sitting at our 6 people booth when we are beyond packed. We are a small shop with limited seating. It is pretty obvious when you come in how limited we are. So you are really not helping by taking the 6 or 4 person booth when there are a few 2 people booths opened. Also you are really not helping by staying an hour after you are done eating. I get some places don’t care if you linger but we seriously have NO ROOM and that 6 person family just had to take 3 2 people booths so they could eat and you just WATCHED! What is wrong with you, go read your newspaper somewhere else or take a smaller booth!