July 2010 Movies

Well then K-On!! WELL THEN! I guess you do not want to be subbed today. That's fine. It's not like I barely made any money today at work, had to walk up and down the stairs a million times because I forgot my husband went somewhere after work and I bought like over 100 dollar worth of groceries, and there is NOTHING on TV. That's fine! Don't be my shining light in my hour of need!!!!! I DON'T NEED YOU.

Okay I do. :( So be here for me tomorrow?

But since I cannot have my K-On tonight I will go ahead and post my movie watching post for July. I don't foresee me watching any movies tomorrow so why not do it a day early? Me?! Doing something early? Amazing. But here we go anyway. XD

Also a shout out to those going to Otakon. I hope you all have a great time. If things go as planned I hope to be attending that convention next year. XD But ya'll have fun!

Movies included in this post:

Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

Doomsday

Alien Verses Predator: Requiem

The Pumpkin Carver

Goblin

Long Time Dead




Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

I’m not sure what made me watch this movie. Maybe I was looking over past horror movie lists or something? No clue. Maybe Quarantine wasn’t on that night.

The first part of the movie was really, really good. I was actually expecting the documentary part to be the boring section of the movie. So I was pleasantly surprised when TADA it was more interesting than the slashing part. I like how the killer explained how much work goes into being a psychopath. Not that any of this actually applies to most horror movies but it was nice to see them make an effort to explain how it COULD be all possible and not super natural.

But the last part of the movie was meh. Oh look the virgin had sex and died. The reporter lady is the real last girl standing. Everyone was killed off in 20 minutes. :( There was no real scare since we were told how Mr. Killer was going to do everything. Also since there is doubts on whether or not Mr. Killer did have a crappy childhood it almost seemed pointless.

So while the premise and beginning were good the movie fell apart in the end. B- for effort.

Doomsday

Oh God. This movie. This movie people. Do not watch this movie. Apparently my brother watched it the same night I did and was happy about it. Is he really my brother?

I didn’t watch the entire movie though. Once everyone made it to the medieval castle I decided it was game over. Game over people. I opted to watch something else instead, I think Quarantine for the 58967th time. I am sure there was a reasonable explanation for why there were random knights and why people were living in castles and really acting like it was 1478. Maybe it was explained. But after watching an hour of cyber punks stab and eat people I wasn’t in the mood for more shenanigans.

Plus it was hard to watch this movie and not think Underworld. Sorry.

Too much of this movie was focused on healthy evil people and healthy semi sane people. I was expecting some zombies or virus ridden people. But no…they just die or something. Because I really don’t think the random punk people were affected by the zombie virus or what not. I think they were just crazy. But then again since everyone had a mouth full of cotton I couldn’t understand a word that was being said. Yeah I’m a rude American. But it was so hard to follow what was being said. I have watched other British films and it wasn’t that bad.

In conclusion…I have no idea what this movie was about. Watch Quarantine instead.

Alien Verses Predator: Requiem

I actually tried to watch this movie online for free one day. But I kept getting pissed off that the color was so dark and I couldn’t see anything. I figured I was being punished for trying to watch movies for free and this was the price I paid for being a pirate.

Then I watched it this month on TV and realized it was the movie that sucked itself, not the format I was trying to watch it in. Half the time the scene was too dark for me to tell who was who. It probably doesn’t help that the Predator looked similar to the PredoAlien but still. Way to go dark movie. I saw more during Rob Zombie’s Halloween movies.

So since the movie was so dark I really had a hard time following what was going on. Something about PredoAlien infecting people in brand new ways. How exciting! Was it throwing up into a pregnant lady’s mouth at one point? How lovely. I think there was some slimy PredoAlien headquarters but I really couldn’t see. Also I watched this movie on FX so everything was censored.

Do not torture your pizza delivery drivers! XO But it was a bit surprising that the love interest died. BAM pinned to the wall. That is why you don’t pick on your pizza delivery driver, instant karma.

The Pumpkin Carver

This movie was so so bad it was almost magical at some points. Like most movies sci-fi shows it was full of stupid teenagers and an even stupider kill. Yes stupider. There is really nothing redeeming about this movie or anything that makes it stick out in my mind. Actually I really need to think hard to remember anything about this movie to type about. I need to blog these movies after I watch them or else I won’t remember anything.

I did love the opening sequence though. The boyfriend deserved to die. His girlfriend was truly freaked out with his “joke”. She was screaming her head off and the brother comes in to save the day. But then it is revealed that MOG it was the boyfriend and the brother is the bad guy. I might have stabbed the sister too had I been the brother and was screamed at like that. Bitch I just saved your life, pick a better boyfriend next time.

I don’t really understand how/why the boyfriend then became an evil spirit that went around killing people. Like I need a better explanation on why something magical happens. It just can’t HAPPEN. I need a reason. I need to understand the killer. And why he would kill these innocent kids. But no, we get some grope scenes and random teenage stereotypes splatted all over the ground. Explanations are for losers.

Although I do like that the new love interest was killed. The candle was a nice touch too. Everyone dies WOOHOO!

Goblin

Dude. I had high hopes for this movie. Finally a monster that is going to tear people limb from limb! And I also got off work early enough that I could catch this masterpiece. While it might not have been Mega Piranha it was slightly entertaining.

Like all Sci-Fi movies there are major loop holes. Like how the “witch” put a curse on all the babies in the village. But I am pretty sure Goblin monster was running around killing lots of people. During our viewing I told my friend that technically everyone used to be someone’s baby but that was just BS. Silly curses, they should have rules right? Right. I thought so.

I totally believe that a teenager would join her friend on her family fun time camping in the woods. Really I would. The idea of being alone in the woods with no technology during my summer vacation sounds awesome. Factor in that there is an “evil” step mom and I am TOTALLY THERE.

Stepmom got on my nerves. I do give her SOME points for trying to protect the stepdaughter in the end but the idea of bringing along your step kid to watch the new baby while on vacation is pretty selfish. Like there is absolutely nothing to do here and you want me to now be bored and watch your baby? Also the whole yelling when they came back late while looking for BABY SUPPLIES made me mad too.

My favorite part of the movie though is the girls running into people from home. Because in the middle of nowhere in a creepy cursed town I totally believe that you could run into your long time crush. I BELIEVE PEOPLE!!!!!!

But I think the Goblin should have been the main focus of the movie. I get the sheriff and his wife were all :( that their baby died but I don’t think the answer is taking someone else’s baby. Not following that logic train. Also I hate babies.

Long Time Dead

Okay usually I hate British films because I can’t understand what the hell they are saying. That sounds really, really bad of me and MOG stupid American but it’s the truth. I actually have to stop what I am doing and really pay attention to what is being sad/happening. Just cotton ball syndrome.

But despite the whole British and I really suck factor I liked this movie. Again it has some cheap thrills and random deaths but it wasn’t so horrible. I think my favorite scene was the death in the bathroom. I try to imagine being the other lady in the bathroom. Here I am trying to take a dump and this other girl is making a scene. Then I have to stop pooping to see what is going and BAM someone is dead. Since I didn’t finish pooping I just crapped all over myself so I am going to smell/look awesome when the cops come. Really, what is wrong with me…..

I am not sure how I feel about the everyone dies angle. I guess it does get a little boring with only the Last Girl or the Meant to be Couple surviving but it seems so bleak when everyone bites the dust. But I guess that is kinda realistic. They are just a bunch of humans fighting against some supernatural thing; chances are they aren’t going to win. So I am like do I want something that leaves me going what is the point or with something I am expecting?

Also everyone who parties dies. Don’t do drugs, don’t have sex, don’t smoke, and don’t go to clubs. Everyone go to the library!!!