Movie Reviews for 2009

Today is Wednesday. Wednesday means Kobato episode post. This however is not a Kobato episode post. :( Sad blogger is sad.

APPARENTLY Kobato is taking a week break. Because of the holidays or something. Or maybe because they hate me. But there won’t be any Kobato until next week. Let us all be sad together.

So instead of a Kobato post I shall compile a list. Because I love lists. This list shall be about all the movies I viewed this year and my honest opinion about them. Of course my opinion would be honest, when am I anything but brutally honest? This list shall be about movies viewed in the year 2009, not movies that came OUT in the year 2009. I am a slacker (see cheapo) about going to the actual movies and I have tons of movie channels that play old crap all the time.

So MAJOR spoilers for this post. If you like to be surprised at the movies and don’t spoil yourself ten minutes after the movie is out like I do this post is not for you. But if you are a major movie goer who knows the ending of every movie that has come out recently this post is safe to read. SPOILERS FOR ALL!





I said this post would be all the movies I saw in the year 2009. That might be a little impossible since I lack the ticket stubs to the movies I viewed online (see being a stealer face).That and do scifi movies count because we would be here all night. So I shall just list SOME due to my inability to be brief.

My Bloody Valentine- A very forgettable film. I am glad that I didn’t waste money on it. I can’t even remember why the killer was the killer. Just a basic run of the mill horror movie. Although I think there was a lot of cheating in this movie. Redneck miners or what have you.

Paul Blart Mall Cop- I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie but my husband dragged me to see it. It was amusing during some scenes and forced during others. The audience is suppose to cheer on the hero as he is not the typical hero (overweight, “loser” in life, trying to catch a girl he doesn’t have a chance in hell with) but sometimes you just want to roll your eyes at his….approach to life. The main girl was a bit on the boring side but the villain was amusing. While the way Paul Blart caught the criminals was over the top it was amusing to watch.

Underworld Rise of the Lycans- Some critics say this movie wasn’t necessary, that both the previous Underworld movies explain the back story of the vampires and the werewolves. And those critics are right. This movie really didn’t add anything to the story line but just played out what fans already know about Viktor being the world’s best father! But this movie did have the funniest sex scene I have ever seen in my life so that’s something? And some of the half naked Lycans were nice to look at. Lucian not so much. Did I mention Viktor really SUCKS at life?

Friday the 13th – Boobies. Yes boobies. The gratuitous boob shoots in this movie…wow. I was impressed. But putting that aside I like that this movie doesn’t try to open up Crystal Lake camp and it just has the teens vacationing there instead. It sorta bothered me in the original that people would be stupid enough to try and reopen the camp over and over like SOMETHING different was going to happen this time. The pompous teenager was a little too much for my liking but the “nerdy” side characters were really awesome in this movie. And for once I was cheering for the girls to live! I think it was a bit of a stretch for Jason to take a prisoner but sometimes remakes mean a little bit of character assassination and we all have to learn to live with that.

Wolverine-Gambit was not as hot as he should have been. Also way WAY too much Sabertooth. I thought Wolverine having a connection to older mutants made sense but no Captain America? I think the guy who played Dead Pool should have played Gambit le sigh. I think fans were expecting a lot from this movie although I don’t know why (X-Men: The Last Stand anyone?). But I do like that Hugh Jackman is so dedicated to this role. That always makes a movie fun to watch, when you know the main actor is having fun.

Terminator Salvation- A lot of people dog this movie and I am not sure why. Yes this movie isn’t Terminator 1 or 2 (and for most people THANK GOD not three). I have seen people talk about how the mood is different, that there is no hope. Well DUR people those movies happened before the big ka-boom. Those movies were trying to prevent the big ka-boom. This movie is life after the big ka-boom and how it sucks! I would be a little depressed too. Such stupid people.

That being said I thought Marcus was way more interesting than John which is a shame since this is all about John right? I also think that John as a character and John as a leader is seriously flawed because this John KNOWS he is supposed to be a hero. He doesn’t become one out of necessity; he becomes one because he is told he has to be one. He doesn’t even save Kyle because he is a human; he saves Kyle so he can be born. John knowing he is the hero makes him a weak and unworthy hero.

The movie needed more Kate, less Blair, and technology that is more faithful to the terminator time line. But this movie is by no means horrible or a plague on the franchise.

Transformers 2- This movie needed about 95 percent less Megan Fox. You can tell the actress doesn’t want to be there and the director only wants her there for the BOOBIE AND HOT GIRL FACTOR. I hope for the third movie her character is off screen studying how to be a better sl….mechanic.

Shia LaBeouf is funny. He is the same kind of funny in each movie he is in but I like it. It works.

Most people are going on and on about the movie being MOG racist. I found the characters in question of the top and annoying. But if we are going to call racism on the two robots we better call racism on all the other stereotypes in this movie.

I think the marine is hot. But a little less magical robot dust next time.

The Collector- This movie is the worst movie to watch pirated on the internet. I watched the entire movie and maybe saw 20 minutes of it. The rest of the time it was a black blur of shadows and killings I didn’t get to watch. Serves me right.

The movie was supposed to be a prequel to the SAW movies and I am just not seeing it. But the movie was good, the bits that I saw. It is always a bit shocking to see a child star all grown up and showing her boobies on the big screen but we must endure. The main….not bad guy didn’t do a very stellar job of saving people did he? XDI guess I see a bit of SAW in regards to how bloody and violent things got and how well things were planned out. Which makes it a little weak as the bad guy in this movie doesn’t have any back story so it is hard to gauge if he is capable of doing such elaborate things.

This movie would have been better in the theater. Well, if I had seen it in a theater.

District 9- Didn’t like it. The aliens were ugly looking. I know they all can’t be awesome looking like in Avatar but gag me with a spoon. The main character is a douche bag and I wish he had died. I really don’t fault the humans for being all GET OFF OUR LAND but setting fire to the babies/eggs/tiny gross things was a bit callous. Also I thought it was magical and special that the humans and aliens could understand each other.

Final Destination 4- I wasn’t expecting much and I got nothing in return YAY! Most people think the only good thing about the movie is the X-ray death opening. This movie has less interesting characters than the 3rd movie which is pretty amazing. The outrageous death factor went up but no substance to back it up.

Halloween- This movie was FUN to watch via the stolen web. So much darkness, so little of the death scenes revealed. And that’s why you watch horror movies right, to hide behind your fingers during the death scenes. The internet did the hiding for me. But putting that aside this movie was really, really different from the classic. I guess it would have to be or no one would watch it. That and look at the person who “created” the story.

I am not a fan of “let’s look into why Michael Myers is a killer”. I kinda just liked pretending he snapped/was born evil. Not diggin the whole his momma is a stripper and the random dude living in his house is an asshole. A lot of families grow up in tough situations and don’t go on to kill 5869 people (or only 59 in this movie as Michael Myers actually DIES).

Lorrie was a bit updated and it worked in some parts. And I still love the fact that the actresses playing her high school friends were 29/30 in real life, just like the original movie.

Halloween 2- Again probably would have been easier to watch this movie on TV/in the theater. But at least the darkness hid the skanky stripper club.

I am not a fan of making Lorrie a crazy person just like her brother. I always saw her stronger than that so this ending (a real ending as I don’t see how a third movie is possible at this point). But now she has the same sickness as Michael which makes Michael even more tragic.

I was sad that Loomis was an egotistical butthead and not the remorseful doctor like in the original. But Lorrie finding out the truth about her past was done well. I also like how the cop had more of a story line in this story.

I can’t really compare the second original to this movie as I have not SEEN it yet (the TV refuses to play it) but the hospital scene was done pretty creepy. But the ending/Lorrie being crazy made the movie bleh to me.

Pandorum- This movie had a good ending. A nice twist in the middle. And some crazy people who went crazy in space. I think this movie would have been a lot better had the trailers not given away most of the plot. Also I wish the soldier would have lived. The zombie element was a bit too…something but it was explained in the movie. I think that the beginning part of the movie was a little slow and could have been cut and snipped. I want to know what made Earth explode!

Zombieland- I wasn’t planning on seeing this movie (which is common with me and comedies). But it was fine. Not really a horror movie but a not so dark comedy? The zombie rules were funny and the epic hunt for Twinkies will live on always. But this movie is highly forgettable.

SAW 6- Complete thoughts on movie found here. I know, it was posted such a long time ago I had to link it for you.

2012-The world is destroyed and it only took 5790 billion dollars in special effects to do it. They should have used some of that money to buy a better leading actress. A volcano is exploding in the not so far away land mass in front of you and you are NOT scared out of your mind? Everything you say is calm and lovely? Fail for you.

I think the process of picking people was pretty fail. I mean, they explain that they need money to fund these ships so they have to sell seats to people. However if the world is ending who cares about money? You can create all the fake inflation/negative numbers you want! WHO CARES! So the selling of seats to undeserving people was pretty fail. They try to make it make sense in the movie but I ain’t buying it.

The good guys (once they found out) were so upset over the selection process but they really needed to be more on the ball about the whole end of the world thing. The Anheuser is a mean mean man thing was shoved gently down our throats but I was left wondering why there wasn’t more of a rebellion. Or why the date was such a surprise to some people. But it had to be dramatic. We can’t know the end of the world and be prepared okay!

I think the movie did a good job portraying all sides of humanity. You need people like Adrian who are optimistic and want to do the most good despite the fact it might not be possible. You need people like Anheuser to represent all the jerks in the world and also the cold hard truth. You need dumb kids who ask dumb questions about going home at the end of the movie despite the fact that she SAW THE HOUSE SINK INTO THE GROUND. You need people like Jackson to fight for their families no matter the cost and you need people like Yuri who represent the greed that exists in this world. But no matter what flaw these characters had they made sacrifices to save another person in the end which I hope is the true representation of humanity.

The visuals were good, the story needed more work. And possibly less characters.

Prom Night- I hate seeing high school prom movies. No one dresses like a skank like that. At least not in my day! We walked 15 miles in the snow to get to the mall and buy only slightly revealing clothes. Kids these days!

Other than that yawn. People get killed, the girl lives, the police suck at protecting people. Why don’t they ever make a movie about boys having serious creepy stalkers that go around and murder everyone?

Sorority Row-I was watching the lifetime version of this movie and remembered that this movie existed. Maybe I shouldn’t have remembered it. The head mean girl is too mean to be believable and it is a pity she didn’t die sooner.

Although I do think the prank was awesome. Before the girl died of course. And by awesome I mean it was fun to watch and would never wish it on anyone.

The story had some major plot holes/issues. Like why did Kyle go crazy in the end if he wasn’t the killer? Why is Garrett out to get revenge against people who did nothing to him? Why are all colleges shown as being one big beer/party fest? And how the hell did the new house get built so fast?

I wasn’t really invested in any of these people as they were all terrible and the real killer was a big stretch.

Quarantine- I like that people are turning into zombies and the media/government is trying to cover it up WHILE trying to contain it. XD Of course next time they should stick to bombing the building but meh. Interesting cast but again the trailers give away most of the movie (AND THE ENDING).

The Hills have Eyes- Doug is really bad ass. Just a normal guy beating the crap out of ugly mutants. I am always in awe how these mutant families live undetected for so long. And why they always want to eat us normals.

Poor dog. :(

Descent-I am not sure how this movie is SO awesome. Maybe the fact that there aren’t any guys in it? That the girls are pretty kick ass and don’t spend most of the movie crying like little babies? But it has to be ruined because one girl is a skank and slept with someone else’s husband. We were so close to girl power.

I was never planning on going in an underground cave anytime soon. This movie did nothing to help my fears.

Apparently seeing the second movie makes you a bad person as that true ending of the first movie is THE END, no room for anyone to be in the sequel.

The 4th Kind- Just saw this movie tonight. My pain is too fresh and my disappointment is too overwhelming. RESIDENT EVIL 4 PLEASE!

So there is a list of some of the movies I watched this year. As you can see….romantic comedies mean nothing to me and I like watching people die. That’s kinda creepy when you think about it…

Let’s hope that there are some better movies in 2010. And no SAW VII.