Thursday, August 15, 2013

Sharknado: Every single Syfy movie ever combined. Minus the tank tops.

I might be a little late to the game but then again all of my other posts have been....on time challenged so to speak. So yeah. We will go with that and with the fact some of the hype has died down. Wouldn't want to be following the trends or anything.
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.....But the sharks aren't giants? Not super big?!
What trend you say? Well a couple of weeks ago there was a movie on Sci-fi. There are usually lots of movies on Sci-fi. One new one a week actually (new for real or new to their station is another story). This movie...Sharknado. And apparently it has taken a spot in pop culture. At least for a while. Until the next cute baby animal or human jackass clip.
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Flying high in the sky...it must be sharks.
My friend and I ...we would have sorta date nights on Saturday. I rushed home from the pizza place so we could watch the Sci-fi movie of the week. Oh the stories we could tell. So many awful movies, so little time. But then a bran new show decided it would get ALL of Saturday. Like what the hell?! Earn your spot!!! Go to Fridays. But yes Sci-fi Saturdays have changed to Sci-fi Thursdays and my brain has yet to catch up with this change. What I am saying is when Sharknado first aired...I forgot. I came home from work and vegged out. My friend forgot as well so we went without. Only the next day when it was the talk of the internet did I realize HMMMM what is this madness? It was on ONDEMAND for free which should have let me know something..... 

Let me start this off by saying.....I am sorta....well I am not sure the word. Jealous isn't right and neither is mad. But it's a odd feeling when you like something that only a small group of people like and POOF it becomes popular. Like hey get off my hobby! I mean...it does make your interest better known which could lead to more of that thing. But then there is a chance of it becoming too popular and diluted and people throw it away, moving on to the next popular thing, leaving your interest and maybe even due due to lack of popularity. (deep breath) So yeah...Sharknado...there have been many movies similar to it. Why ya'll noticing now?
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Swallowing two people whole yo!
That being said...this movie was one of the worst Sci-fi movies I have ever seen. And I have seen a lot. A lot! Movies that have 3 dollar budgets, cheesy effects, actors who must have been walking down the street when the movie was being cast. This goes without saying that the plots ore thin and explosions are too grand. I am used to all of this. But Sharknado seemed to look at all of these things and say...I can do worse. I can be the best of the worse. I will show all these other shows what worse looks like. Except with the acting. While cheesy everyone did their best with this trainwreck. Besides Tara Reid and her 5 second boyfriend. 

The most bothersome thing about this movie was how little effort when into filming it. Not the special effects might you. I am talking about the real life filming. There is supposed to be this giant storm that produced a super tornado which is large enough and strong enough to pick up sharks. Hundreds of sharks. Perhaps...perhaps....it could look like it was raining outside? I mean asking for actual rain might be silly. But maybe film the movie on an overcast day? Or have stock footage of a rainy day. Just like the other stock footage people used. Just...it sorta takes away from the danger when you see bright skies. Like um what weather disaster? Also in regards to filming....maybe when a giant disaster is affecting the city maybe regular folks can GTFO? But I am sure that would involve getting permits and suck. No no, just film on the bridge rescuing children while other cars drive on by. So believable.
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But the car DOWNHILL is fine folks. No water at all.
Another super believable part of the movie is the water. I won't go into the fact that sharks were attacking people out of the water, although it would have been nice to have some explanation on why they were so aggressive. But um....basic classes in elementary school would be nice. A lot of Sci-fi movies seem to suffer from understanding water depths. But this movie took it to a new level of crazy. The characters walked down a path, freeing people from their cars. Yet there wasn't enough water for a puddle, let alone a shark to swim up. An entire first floor of a house flooded. Yet it would be nice and dry outside when they reached the car DOWNHILL! Thus would require the staff to be in waist deep water for most of the movie but yes. Sharks need water to swim. Don't get me started on this magical car that can move through water.
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Good thing in this bad weather Tara Reid has the perfect make-up on.
Tara Reid was the worse part of this movie. Why did she get first billing? If I was Mr. 90210 I would be pissed. He was the main character. As was the waitress chick. Tara Reid was awful as well as her character. Go away with your stripper? Don't worry about us and the kids. Wait only worry about your adult child and not this entire bus full of kids because that makes you a selfish and bad person and that is why I left you! Just shut up and die. The boyfriend was plastic but he died 5 minutes later so who cares? The daughter...so special. There are sharks with lazer beams...okay not lazer beams....there are sharks in a tornado during a huge storm. Now is not the time to be crying about your daddy issues. Like seriously!
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I shall focus on eating this human than staying alive.
There were other things about the movie, things that would be in other Sci-fi movies and be eye rolling too. Like a shark jumped and swallowed a person live. And then another one. Is this Super Shark because um I don't think they get that big. A shark falls on the roof of a car and the car doesn't...break. Instead the stranded water based creature decided to eat the people in the car that he didn't know were in there because he is a shark. Little things like that. Fun to snark. Snarking the shark that should be smashed on the ground falling from such a height but instead finds the time to much on someone's arm. Oh and the “bad guy” in the tornado being...attacked by the sharks? Amazing. 


So in conclusion.....there has always been bad Sci-fi movies. Always. Why Sharknado took off like this and got replayed 5 times I don't know. Was it just so super bad, so super out there people had to notice? Being so close to shark week and people got interested? Maybe others are finding joy in crappy Sci-fi movies, to snark at them? I don't know. But there will be a Sharknado Two. This time with a budget of 15 dollars! Hopefully no Tara Reid. Sharks in the subway woohoo!

1 comment:

Blogger said...

I've just downloaded iStripper, so I can watch the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.