Sunday, August 23, 2009

What does carry-out special mean in your world?

Sometimes I wonder about people. Well that’s a lie. Let’s start this post off right.

All the time I wonder about people. When I am walking about in a store, mall, or other area of the world I am free to call people out on their bull crap and pretend I am big and bad with my glaring stares and snarky attitude.

But when I am at work/on the clock I can’t do these things. I have to put on my happy face and just shake my head when the customer is finally out of my sight. Or rant about it to my friends and on my blog. But at least once a day I run into someone who is a jerk and society needs to set them straight.

I am convinced that the jerkiest customers pick the worst times to call and unleash their craziness on unsuspecting workers. That time for me and my store would be 5:30 on a Friday night which is where our story begins.

We are slammed. Like there are 5 tickets up, all three lines are in use, and there is chaos in the streets slammed. The rain is pretty awful but not quite the levels of the Flood Two (but we all ran out and moved our cars just in case). Besides jerkhole Jimmy everyone was working their hardest and it was more or less an organized chaos.

I get off my phone and walk the ticket to its appropriate section (making the list of tickets grow even longer now). My co-worker who was on the phone put her call on hold and told me there was an issue about the price of a delivery order. I tell her I would handle it was our manager was trying to catch up with the crazy amount of tickets and this issue was probably going to be an easy one to fix.

Why do I put myself through these things?

Here is a little background information about how things work at my pizzeria. I will tell you in advance I understand it sounds weird and to a customer it might be confusing. But all the prices are on the menu so no one can accuse us of anything. Well they can try but they are idiots.

Our pizzas cost 10.99 for one topping. That is the original price. But we have a continuous special called the carry-out special. We offer a one topping pizza for 6.99 ONLY if you pick it up. Thus it being called a carry-out special. Since this special is continuous I can see where people would assume our pizza would normally be 6.99. But it’s not. We are just giving you a huge deal and you don’t know it. We also offer a delivery special of a 3-topping pizza for 10.99. And I always always ALWAYS tell people that it is a better deal to order a double whatever topping they get pizza instead of just a cheese/pepperoni/whatever delivered. I state to everyone “Hey, your pizza is going to cost 10.99 anyway let’s make it worth your while”. I try to help my customers get more for their money and make them aware of all offers. So that being said I get pissed when people act like jerks to me.

I would also like to add that I understand that this is confusing to some people so I am patient when I explain why our delivery price might seem like 4 dollars more. And again the carry-out special is always offered so if that price doesn’t suit them they are more than welcome to pick up their food at the “discounted” rate.

My co-worker warns me that home boy is already in a pissy mood before I pick up the call and that she has already tried to explain our deal and how our pizza is originally 10.99.

So I pick up the phone and tack on my happy smile because in my mind it helps me get into character and not want to rip people’s heads off.

I start off the conversation with “Hello. I was informed that there might be a pricing issue regarding our delivery prices? What seems to be the problem? Yeah I probably could have worded it better but I think that I am pretty polite. I didn’t accuse him of being stupid or anything.

The man doesn’t really follow my social cues and try to make himself seem like a rational human being. He just demands to know why he can’t order 4 pizzas for delivery for 29.92. He rants and raves that is how much he pays every week when he picks up the pizzas.

We all see the phrase picks up right? Okay just checking.

I explain to him that he could get those pizzas at that price only if he picked them up and that my co-worker was correct when she stated the price was going to be 47.04 for delivery. That is a big price difference I know. That is why we always tell people the cost before any credit cards are rung up or anything.

You also saw the part where he said he picked up 4 pizzas every week so apparently getting to our pizzeria is not an issue. I might have more sympathy for someone who was a first time customer and was confused by our menu (which is not confusing but WHATEVER).

Since I told the man exactly what my co-worker told him he was not happy. When people ask to speak to someone else (or a manager, not sure if he requested one) they are expecting someone to break rules and bend over so they can get taken advantage of. Because mangers who actually stick to policy and gently tell people this will not be possible are few and far between now.

Since I didn’t start off our conversation with YES let me give you those pizzas for 6.99 and let me throw in a 2 liter for your invisible inconvenience he was mad. No, since I wasn’t giving him his way that clearly meant I wasn’t understanding his situation. Or that he was a special little snowflake.

Home boy proceeded to tell me 4 more times that every week when he picks up these pizzas he pays under 30 dollars!!!

Now I have a hard time giving people out sympathy on a good day. But when a person questions me 4 different times, after I explained it the same way 4 times in the last 2 minutes my sympathy is -53. Is something not computing upstairs dude?

Just listen to yourself. You come each week to pick up your pizzas at 6.99 each. WHEN YOU PICK UP YOUR PIZZAS. This week you want to have them delivered. That means you will be playing the full price. Not 6.99. You will be paying 10.99. Which makes your order over your “usual” price. Because you are not picking up your pizzas. You are having them delivered to wherever you are.

Sir I am not understanding why you can’t understand what I am saying. You can’t get the pickup special. You want delivery. You have to pay the original price if you want delivery. HOW MANY DIFFERENT WAYS CAN I SAY IT!?

At this time everyone is staring at me. My co-workers are wondering why a simple phone call that should take 2 minutes max is pushing the 7 minute mark. Well some of my co-workers were staring. The others had to pick up the slack since I was unable to get the phone.

After I explained why his order was so much for the 6th time it finally clicked in his head. It’s a carry out SPECIAL. You have to go to the store to get the SPECIAL! Finally we have progress people. He even tells me that he thinks our pizza is worth 10.99. A compliment?! Are pigs flying? Am I dreaming? Or have I passed out because the brain can only handle so much stupid at once?

Then he opens his mouth again and my faith in humanity dies a little bit.

He informs me while our pizza is worth that price he will not be paying it. That he is tired of all the games we play with him and he has had it. He has put up it (?!) for long enough. You know what, that’s it. I AM DONE!


According to my co-workers the look on my face was priceless. If WTF had a face that would be the face.

You’ve had it with us? Sir I have no idea who you. The fact that I really am not good at remembering customers is hardly the point. But you can’t hide craziness. I am sure that I would remember someone covered in crazy.

But pretending you are a loyal customer who comes every week without fail….why are you acting like this? Why after I explained to you how the carry-out special works do you decide that it’s not worth driving to our store and getting your weekly pizza fix? WHY DID I PICK UP THE PHONE?!

What have you put up with before?! You have one issue right now and suddenly we have done you wrong in the past? Isn’t that all magical and awesome like? Only NOT! No you don’t get your way once and you are running away like a kid who doesn’t get their way? How big of you sir.

Oh and sir. I DON’T CARE! If you want to act like this, throw a fit when you are wrong, and take up time being a jerk when there are plenty of paying customers then we don’t need you! No one is going to cry tears of blood because we are no longer graced with your presence. How will we go on?! Oh the economy is bad? Yeah it is. So we can’t afford to have to have customers like you bleeding us dry and costing us money. It goes both ways loser.

Gosh that was a long rant. X_X But yeah he made me mad. But now we have a new little catch phrase at work so I think it was worth it.


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