January 2010 movies

In December I made a huge long post about all the movies I watched in 2009. I say all but I really couldn't include every single movie I watched because 1) I forget a bunch of movies (mostly scifi ones) and B) the post would have been super duper long. And I tend to be wordy anyway so that would have been fail.

So I am going to try to do something new. The 1st of every month I will try to post about all the movies I watched the previous month. I say try because sometimes I suck at scheduling my free time and I am a slacker. But for now this is my plan.

Each movie will have slight spoilers and any thoughts that ran through my mind while watching said movie. These will not be complete synopsizes by any stretch of the imagination. Just what I thought of the movie and whether it will be a waste of time to watch it yourself. Spoilers people okay!

Also a note these aren't movies that came out in January 2010. A few did but most of these movies are just what I decided to watch last month. Since I tend to stick to horror movies not many movies come out in a 30 day period that I find interesting. XD Because I refuse to try new things.

Movies for the month of January are:

The Uninvited
Paranormal Entity
Drag Me to Hell
Knowing
Daybreakers
28 Weeks Later
The Echo
Alien Raiders
Shutter
Boogeyman 3
Wrong Turn 3
The Burrowers
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
Meteor Storm
Ice Twister
NYC Tornado Terror





The Uninvited

The Uninvited-Most movies that are based on Japanese Horror are usually inferior to the original and face harsh criticism. The Uninvited is not one of those movies. Perhaps because it changes enough to make sense to an American audience. But the twist at the end was a great twist and I never saw it coming. The dialogue was smart enough to work for the delusional reality and the actual reality. This movie is also a great public service announcement on why someone shouldn’t cheat. You will lose your entire family and be married to a money grubbing nurse who will leave you as soon as the money runs out.

Paranormal Entity

Paranormal Entity- See in Cloverfield when the guy holding the camera didn’t drop the camera it made sense. That’s because a giant monster was trying to kill him. The camera became an extension of his hand. In this movie the brother filmed his sister nearly drowning in a bath tub. With no shirt on. Why would you tape your sister’s naked body? The only time he dropped the camera was when his mom cut her wrist.
Other than that he kept on going when crap happened to his family.

Also the crap wasn’t that scary so maybe that is why he didn’t drop the camera.

Also if you knew your brother was taping your entire house why do you insist on sleeping nearly naked every night?

Drag Me to Hell

Drag me to hell- She KILLED her baby kitten. Her cute innocent tiny kitten! WTF was wrong with that girl?! Don’t get me wrong, grandma was as a psychopath who creeped me out every second of the movie and Stu needed to be shot in the face. But she KILLED a kitten.

Did she deserve to die? No. Lame boyfriend who was lame the entire movie deserved to die for making such a mistake. The ending was lame though. It felt really forced instead of being MOG shocking.

Knowing

Knowing- Since I enjoy spoiling movies for myself I knew the ending of this one before watching it. I am just that awesome. So I wasn’t TOO disappointed that everyone died in the end and everything was pointless. Because it was. You send warnings out to people to give them a fighting chance. What these alien angels did was just tell people when the end of the world was and did nothing to help. Thanks a lot alien angels, wouldn’t want you to actually save 99.9999999 percent of us. No just save a hundred children who can’t pass down any of our culture and history to the next generation. Thanks unhelpful angels.

I kinda felt bad for the main character. He thinks people are coming to steal his son and he is trying to figure out a way to save the entire world….or just himself/his kid and there is nothing he can to stop it. So it is all pointless and cruel and sad. Have I mentioned the alien angels suck? Next time alien angels give your message to someone who doesn’t play with barbies.

Daybreakers

Daybreakers-As I said earlier in the year Daybreakers was better than Twilight. And the amount of violence in the film was about right for a vampire movie. The guy exploding because of a test product was a bit much but I thought the puking part was grosser anyway.

But I think the story was a little weak once two cures were introduced. More time should have been focused on making the one cure make sense, not randomly throw in another cure without any scientific explanation. I did like the animals being vampires though but I was sad that they caught on fire :( And the vampires were pretty stupid for not figuring out a solution to their problem way before things got really bad. Serves them right the idiots.

28 Weeks Later

28 Weeks Later-Dude. Fastest acting virus zombie movie ever. You get bit and 10 seconds later you are a zombie. I can’t remember the last time I saw a zombie movie turn people into zombies so fast. And yeah I am saying zombies. SUCK IT! ZOMBIIIIIIIIIIIIES!

That being said….dude. Harsh military people are harsh. But since I am always yelling at people in horror movies to stop making stupid mistakes I should commend people for acting intelligently. Yeah it is really harsh that the snipers were told to take out everyone running from the building but I rather a few people die so everyone else can live. In extreme circumstances people have to take extreme measures.

That being said….stupid military people should take better measures to protect people instead of just having tons of measures when things go bad. Turning off the lights when crazy people are noming people? Gassing the city second? Putting everyone into one area that isn’t even sealed properly? :( More planning next time. And by next time I mean 28 months later.

The Echo

The Echo-This movie was really, really long. Two days later I couldn’t even remember what it was about. But after refreshing my memory I remembered it was really, really long and drawn out over some really simple stuff. If there was supposed to be complex imagery and deep meaning it was lost on me. Just a guy hearing someone get beat up constantly and how he failed to be a decent human being half the time.

Maybe that was the scary part of the movie. How everyone sucks in a time of crises. But if that was the case the ghosts should be killing the people who didn’t do anything to help at all. Not sure what the garage guy and other neighbor did that warranted killing them. But the movie felt like a huge waste of time.

Alien Raiders

Alien Raiders- This movie was halfway decent. I wonder why I didn’t hear anything about this movie until I searched for “Horror movies 2009”. The graphics weren’t that great but sometimes you don’t need the most expensive technology to make a good movie. And sometimes things are scarier when they are left unseen. Like the monster in Jeepers Creepers.

There was a bit of The Thing factor in the movie but sometimes you have to borrow from the classics. It is hard to be completely original nowadays. I thought it was very nice of the alien exterminators to provide their subjects with ways to retrieve their cut off fingers later. A little more insight on what the aliens wanted or how the aliens took over humans would have been nice. But the suspense was great. Just the ending was a little bit predictable. XD

Shutter

Shutter-I watched the original version and not the American because I am cool like that. Or maybe it randomly came on one of my movie channels one night. It stays true to the Asian Horror theme and concentrates on the emotions rather than the MOG scary. In these cases the boring scenes actually mean something and it’s okay to be a little boring. Because it works.

But WTF with the guys raping the girls and taking pictures so she won’t talk. X_X I understand cultural differences and all….but still. Dude. I like that she got revenge on all of those guys but I think she should have killed him too. I guess he got his punishment in a way but sticking around with this loser seems like punishment for her too.

Boogeyman 3

Boogeyman 3-Homegirl was really slow in figuring out it was all her fault. I mean…she was talking about how legends need to spread from person to person and that is how it gains its strength. So how was it hard for her to realize…that is what she was doing? But good job saving everyone in the end with your The Descent like blood stained self. Also good job cops for just standing there while she gets sucked up the elevator shaft. Wish you could come to my rescue one day.

The washing machine scene was the best. It was so fake, stupid chick didn’t run TO the door, and the water doesn’t gush out the door. And those kids spent so much time studying for exams. MMM movies about truthful college life.

Wrong Turn Three

Wrong Turn Three- Seriously. Boobies in the first minute of the film? That is like a new record. Okay maybe Carrie tops it but seriously. And people’s legs cut like turkey. Instead of cutting at the ankle they rather carry some feet around in the darkness. These are some really brilliant criminals.

I am trying to write about this movie but all I can think about is the very, very lame ending. I can see having one person do a huge personality switch but two? For no damn reason? You are fail movie for sure but that just seals the deal for me. Go to the corner NOW!

The Burrowers

The Burrowers-I was a little weary of this movie because of the western feel to it. But I was bored and for some reason no one had the Decent Part Two up so I went with this movie. Don’t I sound devoted to this movie?

I think the suspense of the monsters has a nice build up. Which is good because they aren’t THAT scary once they are revealed. Sorta like Jeepers Creepers 2. But I guess if I was getting nomed by a weird ground monster I would be freaked out too. And I think the fact that everyone is going to die based on some racist decisions is pretty awesome (well I guess if you aren’t the one getting nomed). I feel bad for the main character since everything was pointless in the end and there is a sense of hopelessness to the movie. But the concept of the monsters was pretty cool.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning- The opening scene was so gross. Words do not express how gross I find some things. Seeing how people lose their faces in this movie series you think I would be able to suck up some birthing grossness. But I can’t. And it makes me want to barf. But I can’t decide if the vagina chunks from the last movie were more disgusting than this.

I watched this movie thinking I knew how it was going to end since I had seen the original (being the one that came out a few years ago). But I was wrong apparently. I found the kids more likeable in this movie for some reason. They had better character development anyway. I didn’t like the development of the crazy family though. But do serial killers really need character development to explain why they are crazy?

The amount of torture is increased in this movie which almost takes away the horror aspect of it. However I really do need to stop watching these movies at 2 am. I apparently like to freak myself out.

Meteor Storm

Meteor Storm- This movie was so boring I started to clean my house while watching this mess. It came on back to back with natural disaster movies which I find boring to begin with so maybe I was already in a bad mood. But I really don’t know what happened so I guess I can’t review it? Except don’t watch it XD

Ice Twister

Ice Twister- Again a beyond boring disaster movie. But this time humans created them. Go us! But I like how the frost killed some people even before the twister reached them. Awesome.

NYC Tornado Terror

NYC Tornado Terror- Okay I hate disaster horror movies and I have no idea why I torture myself and watch them. I really liked the random electricity/balls of energy having artificial intelligence and attacking people. Or maybe it wasn’t so random and I wasn’t paying attention. That is probably it. In any event skip this movie.