My co-workers welcome me back with open arms and pitch forks

Dear Co-workers

Apparently my 8 day vacation was just too much for you. You all got news that I was going to be back at work Friday and decided to bring out your best WTF to welcome me home. Congratulations. I fear you all now.

Also I hate you. I am so tired after only 2 days of work I didn’t have enough energy to watch anime AGAIN tonight. :( I am already anime deprived enough as it is. Don’t tire me out to the point I can’t watch and blog my beloved anime.





I will start with my biggest WTF moment. You know Jimmy (or whatever code name I gave the little turd)? Yeah. He was at work on Friday. He came in around 4 and I was waist deep in a mountain of dishes. The little punk putted around the store for a while and made a pizza or two. He later came to the back and went “Chop chop” to me, as if I was his slave and I needed to pick up the pace.

I saw red. I see red a lot at work and I wish it was blue as that is my favorite color. But at any rate I saw red. I chased that little punk to the front of the store. I was going to call him out on his comment in front of witnesses. The only way we are going to get rid of him is if everyone tells our boss about all the crap he does. He made it up to the pizza assembly line and I stood there glaring at him. I proceeded to ask him what the hell he just said to me and when he denied the comment I laid into him. I made it very clear that I loathed him and wish to drive an 8 wheeler over his useless body. The words “I hate you” were uttered.

So what was I told today by another co-worker? That Jimmy thinks I am in love with him.

Are you done puking yet? Because hours later I am still ill.

Yes apparently Jimmy asked everyone after I left yesterday why I was flirting with him? You know, when I had my hands on my hip and was teasing him for being mean to me. The way a 5 year old would act to her school yard crush. Only not. Have I mentioned that Jimmy is still a teenager, unattractive, scrawny, and I HATE HIM? Yeah it must be love.

The icing on this disgusting cake would be when Jimmy went to another coworker to ask why I am always yelling at him. Because he has honestly no idea what he is doing wrong. Jimmy…seriously…I hate you.

But there are other special people at my place of employment. Mainly some loser guy who use to work for us. Apparently with my manager and me both out of town it was time to rehire this leech. Said leech only wants to stretch pizzas. Occasionally top them. That’s it. No answering the phone, ringing people up, serving them slices, working the ovens, topping boxes, doing the dishes, making preps. NOTHING! So while I am running around like a chicken with my head cut off with the lunch crowd that mainly orders slices Sir Leech is stretching pizzas. Stretching pizzas for orders we don’t have yet. He had the nerve to ask me to check the ovens. SURE! Let me get right on that after I finish with the phone and ringing up the person at the register. I am sure I can watch the ovens and deliver pizzas at the same time. I forget that my name is God!

Why boss why…can’t you see how useless this person is? How he was only there for four hours and yet took a 30 minute break while I was busting my butt? How he complains about how tired he is and how he used to work all these jobs? Oh boss, can’t you see that we all hate you for rehiring him?

This next WTF is from my brother. While some may accuse him of being bossy he is one of the best workers in the store. People call me bossy but I am just telling people what needs to be done. Get over it. Anyway my brother was the delivery driver this afternoon. He was working with 3 other people. Sir Leech, Jimmy, and another kid. Out of those three Jimmy was the most useful. I think that should scare everyone reading this. The most annoying thing they did today besides make my brother do all the work is this tale. My brother went on a delivery and arrived back to the store. The other co-worker told my brother that two more deliveries were up. Both orders came in around the same time, maybe a minute apart. My brother thought WOOT I can take them both at the same time.

But since my brother is related to me that is not how his life works. The coworker said “Yeah, I made one of them already. I left you the calzone one”. Said co-worker has decided that he doesn’t want to make calzones anymore and Sir Leech doesn’t like them either. So they expected my brother to make the second delivery order and deliver the first and second one LATE as he would have to wait for the second one to cook. You know, instead of coming back to the store to have both orders done and ready to get out of the store promptly.

I know that story is a little confusing to follow but basically our coworkers were expecting my brother to make his own delivery orders 20 minutes after they were taken and deliver them late. All because they decided making one order was enough work and that they hate making one of our products. And yes our boss knows how lazy these people are and no he doesn’t care.

But maybe he should start caring. The other good coworkers we have are getting a little pissed off over the special ed people we have at this half way house we call a pizzeria. Granted I think a particular good coworker is a jerk but he gets his job done. He blew up at Jimmy after Jimmy (the love of my life apparently) nearly burnt him and dropped at entire pizza into the oven and on the floor. Jimmy decided handed good coworker the pizza was too much work and tried to balance the pizza on the oven door while it was open. That plan was made of fail in case people were wondering.

Good coworker didn’t really find this all amusing and started yelling that he was going to commit suicide if he had to work here any longer. There was silence…and then laughter. My laughter. The boss asked why I would laugh over good coworker being dead. I said through my giggles that I was not laughing over the dead part. The boss asked what then and a part of me died inside. He’s not going to get it ever is he?

Fellow delivery driver if you ask me one more time where anything is I will stab you. You actually own a GPS. You went to this exact house last week and the week before and the week before. I promise you the street is still in the same place. As is the huge map and the book of addresses by the big map. Use your eye balls and find it! If after looking for said street you still have problems I will help you. But I don’t have time to be wasting helping you find a street we go to every week. Oh and calling me mean is cute. Anyone would be -_____- after answering the same question every week. USE YOUR GPS!

And coworkers….the sinks must be washed out. I am not sure how all of them could fail this bad but seriously. The sink water level stays pretty consist for 10 hours a day at our store. You are washing a butt load of dirty dishes in that water. When you drain the sink scum and other crap builds up in a line on the walls. I do not want to come back after an 8 day vacation to see 8 days worth of grossness in all the sinks. Just draining the sinks doesn’t cut it.

I am sure there are other letters I can write to my special coworkers…but I am tired. And this SciFi (sorry SyFy) movie about a lightening monster is really lame and isn’t keeping me awake. I shall sleep and hope I have more energy tomorrow to blog about my precious anime.

But my coworkers make me miss the trees of New Hampshire and the lazy days of doing nothing. And make me want to join said good worker in that suicide pact.

Love

Tenchi the pissed off pizza delivery driver