This just in: I hate you.

Some weeks can start off bad but change and overall the week ends on a high note. If something unpleasant happens on day one, you can say well it might get better tomorrow. But as the week progresses and you realize that bad things come in 7 and not 3’s, you wished that you had stayed home/in bed those entire 7 days.

Of course there are the everyday annoyances at work that are too small to really get mad at. Or the fact they happen all the time it gets repetitive to get mad about. Clearly people are not going to learn so it is easier to just move on from those events. Or laugh about them behind customer’s backs.

But then there are events where you think that someone is clearly out to get you and it will stick in your mind all week. One event that ruins your whole day and makes you wish that you could light someone on fire and cackle as they burn up like marshmallow. Come and read some of these wonderful marshmallow events. Please pardon the language as the sailor in me escaped momentarily as I recalled these wonderful events.





To the man who nearly got me killed the other day…..die in a fire asshole. Seriously. On what planet is it okay to try to kill someone over 30 seconds?! Then follow them into a parking lot and scream at them?

The back story is as follows: I was coming back from a delivery and was making a left turn into the lot where my shop is. This particular left hand turn allows you to turn on without a green arrow as long as you yield to oncoming traffic. The way the road is set up is there are 3 lanes going either way with two turn lanes on either side. So where the two turns lanes are located there are actually 8 lanes of traffic. In the opposite turn lane (his left, my right) was another car waiting to turn. It was raining and the road was wet. The way the man had his car positioned I could not see the last oncoming traffic lane at all so it was unsafe for me to proceed.

Here is an artist rendering of the street in question. In case it is not clear (as my husband went WTF at my picture) I am the tiny yellow car, the screaming man is the orange car, and the blue car is the one that would have hit me had I listened to said screaming man.

Behold the magic.

Hold your applause. I know this is going to be the most famous masterpiece the world has ever seen.

I have been in situations where I have been the second car in the turn lane and I can see that things are all clear to go. Yet I wait patiently as the other person waits for themselves. I mean, why should I try to indicate to the first person it is safe (with a loud honking no less). This person does not know me from Adam and I would not trust a stranger to decide whether or not it is safe for me to cross 3 lanes of traffic.

The man behind me was from a different school of thought. In his mind I should trust him and his infinite well of wisdom and cross these three lanes of traffic. And a polite toot of the horn was not the way he decided to convey this information to me. No, it was a long HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONK and a lot of wild gesturing.

Had I trusted this man I would have been a road pancake. No sooner than he honked a car went speeding by in the lane I couldn’t see. So yes, me and my mature self might have done a one figure gesture in the window to let the man know what a jack ass he was. Then the honking started again. Because NOW I should trust his judgment. It’s not like he almost killed me 5 seconds ago or anything.

Partly because my obstructed view and partly because I am a jerk I sat there until the light changed. This entire wait from this honking and light change was 30 seconds. 30 damn seconds was worth my life. So I turned and made the next turn into my parking lot. I look behind me and I see that guy also turning into the parking lot. Great, I hope he walks into the shop so I can yell at him (forgetting the fact that I am a scared girl who only talks a big game).

I park and get my bags out of my car so I can get prepared for my next delivery. Suddenly the asshole is BEHIND MY CAR. As in I am in the parking space and he is in the road blocking me from escaping. He starts screaming at me that I had no business on the road and that I need to learn how to drive. The word bitch and fucking woman were also used.

Looking back I realize that this man was bigger than me, had a really bad temper, and could have had a gun. But in the heat of the moment I screamed back. This dude almost got me killed and had the nerve to say that I was a bad driver? Yeah, there was some asshole and fuck yous thrown around. The man went to scream back at me but for some reason my boss walked out of the store and the man drove off. And by drove off I mean out of the parking lot. Meaning he never had any business in that shopping center. He followed me in there for the sole purpose of scaring and yelling at me.

A bit shaken I took my next deliveries and kept my eyes peeled for that asshole as I drove on. I pretend that I am big and bad but when it comes down to it I am scared out of my mind and don’t have the balls to back up what I am saying most of the time. This event left a bad taste in my mouth for the next two hours. I hate getting worked up over such stupid people. I wish that my fellow citizens would chill the hell out and realize that 30 seconds out of their life is not a big deal. Calm down on the roads and try putting yourself in the other driver’s shoes. Oh and don’t follow people in the parking lots to scare the shit out of them. Asshole.

To my coworkers…please learn some compassion. And please refrain from calling me a wimp, baby, and drama queen.

If you burn yourself on the 500 degree oven and act like it is no big deal…well kudos for you. It’s like when people talk about a problem they are having and someone else brings up the fact they had to walk 15 miles in the snow to get to school. Really, I don’t care. I am sorry your situation sucked and that you thought you had to man up and not complain about it. But personally I would complain about having to walk 15 miles in the snow and burning myself on a hot oven.

Which I did. I do not appreciate being laughed at as I tried to find some mustard and gauze to cover up my wound (another coworker told me about the burns+mustard thing). Asking me if my little tiny baby wound was alright a few minutes later was also not appreciated. It hurt A LOT. I don’t care if you burn yourself all the time and you never say anything. Also I don’t care if you don’t care about scars. I do and I don’t think that being concerned about keeping the scarring to a minimum was a reason to poke fun at me.

Here is the “minor baby scar” 24 hours after the incident:

Currently it is strange shade of purple. How fashionable.

At least it wasn’t on the top of my arm.

To the customers….please have some basic information ready before you attempt a pizza. Things like your phone number and address should be pretty simple things to know. But maybe this is not your phone and you randomly are elected to order pizzas at friend’s houses. But your name? Really, was there a reason to pause when I asked for a name?

Also dear customers, when I am trying to tell you how to get to our location please listen. Yes I know that we had another location and it is currently closed. Our location is not far from the other store and we are relatively close to the other location. It is beyond simple how to get from one store to another. If after 5 ways of explaining how to get to our store and you still don’t get it…well you are stupid. You would have to be living under a rock to not get the directions I was giving you and not having any knowledge of these surrounding businesses I speak of.

And I really love the way you were getting frustrated me for not explaining where we were. I gave you the cross streets, what we were directly next to, the three neighboring food places, the next light over from us, and the new huge supercenter that opened up one mile down from us. Clearly I am at fault for not explaining myself properly. How about you get with the times and use the internet if you are so stupid and don’t know the basic layout of your town?

On a more fun note I received my first items from E-bay this week. Yes, I have gotten with the times and found the joy in outbidding people for stuff I probably don’t really need. And while I have received gifts that others have bought on E-bay, I have never done the purchasing myself. So yay for my silliness and spending my hard earned cash on plushies, stickers, and mangas.

Such a deal for 12 mangas!

I love stickers. I love them even more at 50 cents a pack with no shipping. XD

These plushies were a steal. There is a third one but it is going to be a present for someone. XD