Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Chapter 233: The real ending that restored my sanity and faith in CLAMP

A new beginning with memories of the past...

So I posted my happy room post last night and was going to go off to bed. I checked my usual manga scan site and Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles Epilogue was up! I was like NOOOO it is too late to read and post this chapter. But I decided to read the chapter anyway knowing it would either make me very, very upset or bring me to tears.

It brought me to tears.

And if you like Tsubasa it should have brought you to tears as well. Unless you are a cold hearted person. Then maybe just a little something got in your eye.

So I take back about 90 percent of the RARW in last week’s post. I mean you really can’t blame me and the other fans who were a bit WTF at the “last chapter”. But CLAMP created a great epilogue chapter (which really is the last chapter) and I think most fans out there are pretty satisfied. I still hold 10 percent of that RARW because of X/1999 and at the general open endedness CLAMP is famous for. But for the most part I am pretty happy with how things have ended.

Can’t you tell I am happy with the tears in my eyes?

So…here is the last Tsubasa manga post (maybe). And if you aren’t ready for spoilers by now well…too bad for you. Bring on the spoilers and tissues! And err..longness. I got carried away. Slightly.

The last chapter has like 250% more Fai and Kurogane! Automatic win!

This last and final chapter (fighting back the tears) starts off with Syaoran walking around in Clow Country. He stops by his old house and there is a bit of sadness in the air. Fai and Kurogane are also walking around shortly after the battle. It is unclear how much time has gone by but both still have bandages on their faces. Fai is back to his original personality but without all the fake smiles. He seems genuinely concerned when he asks if Kurogane is okay. Insert the screaming yaoi fangirl within me.

Falling back into the way they use to be...

Do you see that picture? Kurogane is his typical Kurogane self and lies about being in pain. Kurogane is use to being the tough adult of the group. But one simple touch from Fai and Kurogane cringes in pain. Okay it’s not really a cute moment per say….but I found it sweet. Kurogane has spent most of this series yelling at Fai not to hide his emotions yet Kurogane is guilty of that too. Part of me knows that Kurogane hides his pain so Fai doesn’t feel guilty about the whole no arm thing. But instead of Fai getting sad he makes the most face and teases his Kurogane. It’s too simple and complex for words and I love it!

Fai has always been the more observant parent.

But then it gets back to a slightly more serious tone. Sadness. This entire series has been one big HAPPY MOMENT then sad moment. Our heroes never really had a chance to be really happy as something sad and depressing was always in the back of their mind. So why would the last chapter be any different? Fai and Kurogane talk about how Syaoran has gone to see his old house. Time to see which Syaoran we are dealing with!

That pictures makes me want to cry. :(

And there we have it. The reals are the ones still alive. The clones only gave the reals their memories. Sad faces for all. But for now I will drop the real from Syaoran and Sakura. Syaoran looks sadly at a picture of himself and what should be his parents. But since his parents were clone Syaoran and clone Sakura they are no longer there. Their existence has been erased from all the universes.

That will surely mess with Syaoran’s mind. Technically those weren’t truly his parents. Syaoran had to have existed in some other place with his real parents as the clones were only his parents due to the time loop. But for Syaoran now those were his parents and even though he grew up most of this life thinking clone Syaoran was just a clone he now knows the entire truth behind this whole mess. So Syaoran feels the loss of not only his parents but his other self. Even though he caused all of this he still deserves a little bit of happiness. Yet he will never catch a break.

Dreams are VERY bad in this series. Very, very bad.

Someone else who can’t catch a break is Sakura. She wakes up from a nap and looks a bit alarmed. Mokona asks if Sakura had a dream and she confirms that she has. That is very serious business seeing that this is a CLAMP manga. Dreams tend to not be happy “and they all lived happily ever after” fairy tales. Most of the time it is “I dreamt that Fai was going to kill Syaoran so I let myself die instead” kind of disasters. This does not bode well even though this is the final chapter.

Sometimes Kurogane needs to talk it out.

Kurogane and Fai continue their walk and their conversation to update the readers. XD I love it when things get explained to me. Well sometimes I get a little sick of the constant repeating of facts like we readers are morons but this explanation I accept. Thank you for confirming things so we fans don’t riot in the streets. But yes Kurogane, your original kid and princess are gone. Kurogane tries to be casual about the situation, like he isn’t sad inside. But both he and Fai are very hurt over the lost of their original family and no amount of pretending can hide that.

The brother that was the King...

For some reason I forgot we were in Sakura’s Clow Country and not clone Sakura’s Clow Country. That sentence was fun to write X_X. But yes her brother is not King and isn’t off hurt somewhere because of the events in volume one. Here she still has both parents and her brother is just her annoying brother. Yukito doesn’t seem to be the high priest yet which messes with my mind because the other Yukito knew Yuko. It is also a bit of a mind wtf when you think about the clone Sakura’s Clow Country.

Was that really just the future real Clow Country and now that things are back to normal it is erased from history? Because truly those people aren’t other universe selves but really Yukito and Toya so they really didn’t DIE. They just are on a different path. Thank you CLAMP for messing with my head.

.....is now back to just being her big brother.

This Toya is a bit more mellow. He is able to be the big brother instead of the ruler of Clow Country. That and he is aware of what his sister has gone through. Instead of getting all “stop seeing Syaoran” Toya allows her to have a bit of freedom. Considering that Sakura has been in suspended time for over 7 years (it is hard calculating that mess considering she was frozen at 7 but she did live to her 16th birthday when Syaoran turned back time) and has been separated from Syaoran for a number of years…I think they have earned the right to be with him. Thank you Toya for not being a douchy big brother.

Going back to where they belong?

Kurogane and Fai continue walking and telling us readers about what happened in the last 5 chapters. I really like that Fai and Kurogane are the ones who are telling us this story. They haven’t been in the lime light lately and even though they still aren’t talking about themselves they are really the ones who should tell this story. They have been on this journey from the start and have many more memories with the clones than the reals. They are the ones who were left in the dark (Kurogane the most) so I like how they are talking out loud about the situation. Fai talks about how the clones turned into feathers which were the souls/memories of the clones and went into the original’s bodies. Part of Fai wants to think that this is okay, that they are just returning back where they came from and they were meant to be one person (okay two instead of four) all along but deep down that is now what he wants and he knows Syaoran won’t want that either.

Can I get a little more reaction people?!

Sakura arrives at Syaoran’s house. The mood is a little more formal than I was expecting. Both pairs of Syaorans and Sakuras have been rather shy with each other and formal on the Syaoran half but I thought after all of this they would past that. I want a dramatic hug or something. But we get a let’s talk instead. At least they look slightly happy with that and if they are happy that is all that matters.

Both couples spending time together but neither being lovely dovey.

The plot flip flops back and forth between Sakura/ Syaoran and Fai and Kurogane. Now they are talking about Fei Wong Reed and how Syaoran was not satisfied with how things turned out. Things are not back to normal 100 percent. Yes the clones managed to correct the problems in the world but it can never be 100 percent back to the way it was. That is because Syaoran exists. He is the son of the clones and they weren’t meant to exist. So while Syaoran might have been born to other parents this is the reality now. Things can never go back to normal as long as Syaoran still exists and both Syaoran and his other self Watanuki know that. They were able to escape the loop when they are really the cause of the problem.

For some reason this makes me go crazy fangirl...

Do we see how awesome this picture is? I am sure you do. Fai is continuing to discuss how Syaoran and Watanuki are alone in this world and Fai just has such a powerful expression on his face. It’s almost like he and Kurogane switched roles. Fai is usually the one who looks sad while Kurogane tries to put on the tough face. But these men have changed during their journey and instead of being what the other needs they have learned to be like the other. Kurogane is free to feel upset about things because he knows Fai can be strong about the situation.

Is it bad that I think Kurogane and Fai are more their parents than these two?

At the palace Sakura’s parents are talking about her. It is very weird to see the original parents and not Clow but then I remember that Clow was already dead at the beginning of the series. So seeing anyone’s parents is a little new as everyone single character had all their parents dead at the start of this series (excluding real Syaoran but he wasn’t from the start now was he XD). In any case when Momma talks about how Sakura had a dream about her future in made me slightly worried. Yes I have gone on and on about only 15 pages but there are only so many left! What future are we talking about? And why can everyone see the future and not let us in on the details? Seems so unfair.

The loop ends and yet Syaoran still have to continue with the journey.

Sakura takes Syaoran to a special place. But not a special place for them. It was a special place for their clones. I wish more was said about this special place and how it feels to have the clones memories but we are running out of time. Clearly that is not going to be covered which is slightly disappointing. I wish we could have gotten more in depth about that situation but we aren’t. Instead we are told what Syaoran’s price was to leave that nothing space which is what I was complaining about last week. So I can’t really whine too much when something major I wanted shall be covered!

Watanuki's wish to never be affected by "bad things" is also granted but not in the way he thought...

Syaoran’s price to leave that place was to continue on his journey. Meaning never staying in one place for very long. Fai continues to explain that Watanuki’s price is to never leave the shop again. I am not sure how that is price per say but it makes sense on how they will minimize their impact on the world. Watanuki wasn’t meant to exist anywhere so if he stays in a special place not seen by most people his impact is lessen on the universe. Syaoran will go to other places and never make a home thus never really impacting their lives as well. It sounds really harsh once you think about it but I am sure in their minds they are happy to be alive. And Syaoran got the better end of the deal if you are asking me.

Kurogane the baseball player!

Just a fun little scene. Fai and Kurogane are talking about all this drama when Mokona comes flying by. Kurogane doesn’t even bat an eye when he catches him. Just a small little humorous moment in a big sad storyline that I find amusing. But instead of throwing him aside or pulling its ears Kurogane treats it a little more gently than usual. Yay for progress.

Why would you even ask Fai? You know you are going with him!

In my yaoi girl mind this is the proof I was waiting for. Well I was actually waiting for a kiss but I don’t dream that big. I was really waiting for Fai to return with Kurogane to his home town and a knowing smile to be exchanged. Instead we get a WE. What are WE going to do now. What are WE going to decide. Of course any normal person could argue Fai was still referring to individual decisions but that is not how my mind works. LET ME HAVE MY DREAM!

Bending the rules but not breaking them this time!

Syaoran doesn’t seem very upset about the price he had to pay to get out of the nothing space. In fact it may work to his advantage. As Fai said earlier he is not happy about the clones being “gone”. Syaoran has learned his lesson and knows that bringing back dead people is a great big NO NO. I am glad he has realized this. However Syaoran thinks that the clones are still alive within them. If Syaoran goes on this journey he can search for ways to bring them back. Since they are not technically dead it won’t turn the universe on its head and explode.

Do you see me having a freakin heart attack over the possibility of a sequel? I am trying to be clam but inside I am beyond excited!

Syaorans fail at making the right decisions for themselves.

Um he better want to live with his Sakura wherever Fai and Kurogane end up! Why ask him?! Just bring him back to life. I am not liking how this was all phrased. I am sure Syaoran means well but knowing clone Syaoran he will make a stupid decision to save someone else. Clearly someone besides either of the Syaorans and Sakuras need to make the decisions for them. I pick Kurogane.

Need more details!

WHAT IS THIS?! Sakura says that she also wants to meet her other self again but doesn’t think she can go on the journey. Her dream was about the journey and what would happen if she went on it. Apparently it would cause Syaoran pain. So she has decided not to go.

On the one hand I am happy. I am much more fond of clone Sakura. I don’t know this Sakura. Part of me doesn’t want to know this Sakura. She can stay home while Syaoran (and the boys who you KNOW are coming) go on an adventure. Even though the entire journey was all about her she wasn’t a part of it. So while an adventure without any Sakura will be a little empty her place really is at home.

But on the other hand I want to know what pain she is talking about. :( I know that will never happen but I want to know what she saw to make her thinking going on the journey would be a bad idea. How would she hurt the group? Would Syaoran have to risk his life to protect her or would she bring up bad memories? It might drive me a little nuts but that is how it is. We won’t get every answer from CLAMP so we might as well accept it. I am just happy that Sakura knows the truth and is strong enough to let Syaoran go. It is very sad that they were just reunited and must part again. Such is the world of CLAMP.

Here it comes!

The moment everyone has been waiting for!!!!

After all these years she finally tells Syaoran how she feels.

I love these three pages. Just love them. Sure I go on and on about my boys but Syaoran and Sakura were the “main” pairing in this series. We KuroganexFai fans just know they are a couple. While we want proof we probably won’t get it. But this entire story started because Syaoran wanted to save Sakura. It is only right they finally get a chance to express their feelings. Their clones got to and now it is their turn. Sure Syaoran is like minutes from leaving to go on this new adventure and they might not be able to spend that much time together in the future. But they are meant for each other in any world they are in and I am happy this set of Syaoran/Sakura got to express their feelings. Sure we don’t get a kiss because CLAMP hates all us but that doesn’t matter. We got our moment people. Screen shot these pictures to death and make avatars and banners out of them.

Seriously though..they are a good couple and after all they have been through they have earned this right. Syaoran more so but both of them need this happiness. It is hard to get over how cute this moment is and how it has been a long time coming for both kids.

Mommy says sorry?

And the cute moment is interrupted. But this time not for some serious storyline. No, just “Mommy and Daddy” accidentally walking up on the “kids”. I love it. I love this scene so much. Kurogane ends up blaming Fai for walking in on the kids but we all know…it’s Fai’s fault. XD Sakura seems to be slightly embarrassed but Kurogane is a bit more than spazing. The mood is back to how it was at the beginning of our adventure. I love this playful mood. It brings tears to my eyes to see that these people, even though they have gone through so much, are able to laugh and be carefree. We need more of these scenes but time is running out.

And I love Kurogane.

And I love Fai.

I am not sure why Syaoran even bothered to ask if Kurogane and Fai are coming on this new journey. After all they have been through he already knows the answer. Syaoran is a polite and formal kid though. He doesn’t want to force this decision on them. Fai doesn’t want to seem like a burden so he acts like this is beneficial to him. Kurogane doesn’t want to seem happy that they can all stay together so he acts like it’s no big deal. Some things change while others stay the same.

Oh hi special magic item that will help us out.

Mokona decides that it needs to be useful and puke up something that will help them on their journey. It gives the group the earring the other Mokona has been wearing the entire XXXholic series. Inside is all the memories that were held during their adventure. Like Sakura’s feathers these memories can lead them to other places as it holds the “memory” of that place. Yuko may seem like a cold hearted person when she demands a price from someone but in the end she really is (was) thinking ahead and for their benefit.

Thanks Yuko for being so harsh on everyone.

She even planned ahead to make use of Watanuki’s memories. That part of XXXholic always made upset. Yes Watanuki paid that price himself but it always seemed so complicated and unnecessary. And unfair. But now it serves a purpose. When they are in danger they will be able to return to the shop. Syaoran and Watanuki have the chance to start a relationship. Syaoran can always tell Watanuki about how he came into being and about their parents. So…everything seems to have worked out. So while it would make Watanuki happy to have his memories back it serves him better if Syaoran has them. It all makes sense in the end. Yuko had a purpose for everything and we all should have had more faith in her. But since she is dead it is a little late now.

MMM hotness.

Our heroes look very fashionable in their new clothing. I am going to miss Fai and Kurogane’s old clothing but now it is time for change. Their clothes are unified now. They aren’t separate individuals anymore coming from different lands and going on a journey for different personal reasons. They are now a group of friends who love and support each other. Yes I am reading a lot into their clothing but that is what I see. They still have their personal flares but this symbolizes so much.

Don't leave me yet!

As Mokona begins to suck up our heroes Sakura tells them all goodbye. It is a bit bitter sweet but you know they will be reunited again. Syaoran and Sakura hold hands as they part. Suddenly they remind all the readers that we still don’t know their names, their real names. And since both Sakura and Syaoran start saying it at the same time I think we all know what is about to happen.

Err this is sudden...

And unexpected...X_X

Yeppers. They share the exact same name. And surprise it’s Tsubasa! So this manga was the series of events that happened to Tsubasa. Tsubasa translates into the word Wings. Wings, feathers, flying on a journey. Tons and tons of symbolic meaning and all that jazz. As Yuko said your name is important and has tons of meaning.

That is nice and all…but Syaoran and Sakura share the SAME name. What have we learned from this entire series? That in every universe there is someone just like you that shares the same heart, soul, and name. Gender might not matter and their appearance might not be the same. So…..are Syaoran and Sakura the same person?

That is what some fans are questioning. Personally I want to believe that is not the case. That it doesn’t matter than they share the same birthday and name. We know clone Syaoran was given that birthday as well as Watanuki. But doesn’t real Syaoran share that birthday as well? But yeah…I really don’t want to think about Sakura and Syaoran being the same person who feel in love with each other. I just want this all to be AW they share the same name. It is more like this was meant to be than creepy you know?

But putting aside why they share the same name, why did Sakura have to hide her name all this time? Why does her family call her Sakura? We understand why Syaoran had to do so (or maybe we don’t?) but why Sakura? Would something had happened had Syaoran and Sakura known they shared the same name? Again this is something that is never going to be answered and we just have to accept it. But both Syaoran and Sakura are surprised. And no I will never refer to them as fTsubasa and mTsubasa. That is just way too strange.

Goodbye my favorite pairing of all time. :(

Well folks. That would be Fai and Kurogane waving goodbye…TO US. Okay to Sakura but it feels like they are waving goodbye to me. I am not getting my yaoi closure. Hell we might not even get a sequel. This new adventure might just show up in another CLAMP manga and never get fully resolved. We know how CLAMP operates.

Yes I am slightly disappointed. Fai and Kurogane were acting too much like friends in this chapter and not enough like potential lovers. They have been through too much to go back to the way things were before Toyko. While I want them to be carefree/teasing each other again but with more added on to it. Maybe Fai would runaway from Kurogane but this time let him catch him. The moment would be new as Kurogane never caught up to Fai in his “angry chases”. Fai would look up and ask “so what are you going to do now that you caught me?”. It would be lovely and awkward and I would almost die over that scene.

But we aren’t going to get that. Even though we all know they are a couple and love each other more than just friends. CLAMP just can’t come right out and say TADA here is a yaoi pairing have it fans. Because they hate us and want to torture us until the day they die. But we love them anyway for some reason. We can just cling to the hope there might be a sequel and that perhaps CLAMP just wanted us to pick up on this relationship during the series. To see the the tiny clues that they had given us all along.

I still wanted a hug though! -___-

And it's over. Or really, it's just beginning.

Sakura is brave and tries not to cry as Syaoran bids her goodbye. She knows in her heart they will see each other again so this is not goodbye but I will see you again. She watches as they disappear to their next adventure…and that is it.

The end.

Are there tears yet? There should be.

I have put years into this series. As much as I wanted CLAMP to finish this manga I really never wanted it to end. Now that it is over I feel empty inside and happy that the “best” ending occurred. It is a really weird feeling for me.

But yes it is over. Some fans want a sequel while others think it is perfect the way it is. I think it is clear where I stand on the issue.

I want a sequel.

Did this manga has its problems? Yes. Fei Wong Reed never had his motives properly explained. We don’t know who Xing Huo was (although I believe she was an attempt to clone Yuko). We don’t know how Fei Wong Reed got Ashura to go along with his part of the plan (meaning how Fei Wong Reed set up that disaster waiting to happen). We don’t know why Sakura had to hide her name. We got a lousy explanation on why the clones had to “die” because they were created beings while both Mokonas are still alive when their creators died. We never found out who Syaoran's real parents were.

Of course my main issue would be the lack of Fai and Kurogane. They had major potential to have deep stuff but that got pushed aside once real Syaoran started explaining his past. I think Fai has a lot more hurt in his heart from losing his twin and the guilt he has with his part in Fei Wong Reed’s plan. He was just instantly forgiven and Kurogane told him once again that his past doesn’t matter.

But it matters to me and I wanted Kurogane to listen to Fai’s feelings on the past. I know he saw it all but I wanted him to sit down and listen to Fai cry about the past. Or for Fai to cry about it in private. Instead Kurogane lost his arm and the focus was on Kurogane is still alive rather than MOG they know my past.

But perhaps that was expecting too much. Kurogane is not the warm and fuzzy feeling kind of guy. He has stated a million times that Fai’s past does not matter to him. So maybe Kurogane isn’t sensitive enough ask Fai about it. Perhaps Kurogane doesn’t want to hurt Fai anymore than he already has been. And Fai knows that Kurogane isn’t the kind of person to pressure him for details. So…yeah. That didn’t happen.

But as I stated like 56898 times I wanted SOME KIND of huge sign that these two are a couple and that I am not a crazy yaoi fangirl. These two are not friends! But if they leave it open ended fans can go crazy and imagine anything. And that is what CLAMP wants us to do.

All the characters were lovable despite their flaws and terrible pasts. Syaoran’s wish started this whole mess but no one blames him. Sakura really couldn’t help out much on this trip but her cheerful energy gave everyone hope. Kurogane acted like a jerk most of the time but no one doubted he would protect them with his life. Fai kept everything hidden but in the end he needed to be saved the most.

This group of people started off as strangers and became a family. Yes Fai joked about Daddy, Mommy, and the kids but deep down everyone believed that. Even though the kids are not the same kids they started off with…they are. They share the same heart and soul. The clones are still alive via their memories and in the end that is the important theme in Tsubasa. As long as someone remembers you and cares for you you are not gone.

The other major theme was that sometimes it doesn’t matter where you’re from or where you want to go. Sometimes all that matters is where you are now. Even though clone Sakura lost her memories of clone Syaoran it was never a sad issue for me. Because I knew on this journey she was going to create new memories with her soul mate and in the end it would work out.

The end has come and the clones didn’t get their happy ending. They were the ones in that tube, all the way back on page one. They suffered and went through many trials to find their way back to each other. Yet as it stands now they are not together. But still the reader is not left sad. Because there is hope that their son Syaoran will find a way to bring them back. Because all four of them made a promise to live in a world where they all could live together. And I choose to believe in that promise.

At this point I am seriously near tears. Even if there is a sequel this is the end of Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles. A sequel would feel different but welcomed. But it would still not be the same. This is truly the end of this journey and even though I was frustrated and screaming at certain parts I loved every single minute of this manga. This will go down as my favorite manga of all time and now it is over.

Thank you CLAMP for entertaining me these past 5 or so years. That is a good chunk of my life that I have shared with Tsubasa and it is sad that it is over. But I had a great time losing myself in the story and the characters. It will be hard to top this manga and I am not sure I want anyone to attempt it. It wasn’t perfect and it has its critics. But for me I will be a lifetime Tsubasa fan. Thank you for the memories and the emotional journey.




But seriously if there is a sequel there better be KuroganexFai or I will hate you again CLAMP!

Read more!

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle Chapter 232: The end of a series and my sanity.

Once upon a time I changed the world....

I am almost speechless. In between the tears and the rage I almost don’t know what to say.

Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicles is over.

True there is supposed to be an epilogue chapter but unless that said chapter is 30 pages long and 100% more happy…yeah. Just….yeah. Click the link. Spoilers, sadness, and anger await you. And a river of tears.





This series has had a lot of ups and downs for our characters. And since this is CLAMP we are dealing with a happy ending was expecting too much. So I knew that Fai and Kurogane weren’t going to REALLY get together but I was hoping that they would look at each other with a meaningful glance when asked by …err Watanuki where they want to live. The clones would “die” and somehow this would make the world(s) go back to normal and the real Syaoran and real Sakura would cry that the clones had to die to fix real Syaoran’s mistake. But in the end clone Syaoran and clone Sakura were given a third chance at life due to some awesome loop hole and all the sacrifices made throughout the series and they end up living with Fai and Kurogane.

Okay so reading that all over makes it sound like a happy ending. Perhaps the clones don’t end up living with Fai and Kurogane and they assume the clones are dead but somewhere in another universe the clones are reborn with no past memories and we see them passing each other on the street, giving us a glimmer of hope. That isn’t a straight out happy ending and much more open ended which CLAMP likes to do.

Do we get that people? After how many years and volumes and sleepless fan fiction nights do we get that kind of ending? Of course not and you would think by now we would have learned our lesson. This is CLAMP.

First of all we didn’t get an extra long chapter. People on the internet are holding out hope that the last, final NO MORE epilogue will actually explain more and we all can put down our pitch forks. But for now…this was not enough. We had like 5 chapters of shiny battles and Fei Wong Reed saying really cryptic stuff and they tried to end a series that last for YEARS in 24 pages? Yeah it didn’t work.

I want to both cry and scream when I see this feather...

The dialogue in this chapter is either really, really off or meant to be confusing. Me thinks a few things got rushed because we crazy fans wanted this chapter out so bad so right off the bat we get page one…and this.

But despite the Engrishness of this page it is clear what is being said. Everything that is dear to the clones is their memory of the other. That is what this entire series has been about. Clone Syaoran going to Yuko to get clone Sakura’s feathers back. This chapter opener is a bit sad as it reminds the readers the hardships clone Syaoran had right out of the gate. To save clone Sakura he had to sacrifice his relationship with clone Sakura meaning she would never get back that feather memory. For me this picture is that memory that she could never get was what Yuko used to create her (the second time). So maybe Yuko isn’t the crazy bitch everyone thinks she is and she had a reason for every tiny decision in XXXholics.

And silly me I thought this picture was also reminding the viewer that it’s okay that clone Sakura never got her memories back. While her childhood memories of clone Syaoran were very important she created all new ones with him during their adventure and their married life in some alternate crazy time loop. That their past (anyone’s past) doesn’t matter as much as the present or the future. BUT CLAMP HATES YOU AND ME SO THIS IS NOT TRUE!

I think CLAMP likes messing with my mind.

Oh look a misleading art picture that makes you think everything will be okay. Then you remember this is CLAMP and since there hasn’t been any beheadings or cute character death’s yet NOW IS THE TIME. But I still want this in a poster because I am a sucker. Moving on now.

Yes this is fair. Fairest thing ever.

So despite the fact that clone Syaoran just died to create a crack in the random darkness Watanuki and real Syaoran can’t leave. Fei Wong Reed’s voice from the beyond says they both must pay a price to leave. I for one am getting sick and tired of a price for everything! I understand that is the law of the universe and the reason that our heroes are in this mess. Still….these people have suffered SO MUCH!

If you want to be like Yuko you need to learn what people desire most...and crush them with it!

Can’t they just have one magical miracle that doesn’t require them losing a limb, memory, or person? No? Okay Watanuki explain it to real Syaoran that they can’t give up something too big or that would be just as bad.

I am unclear on what real Syaoran wanted to give up before Watanuki’s explanation. He is clutching the feather but knowing real Syaoran he was thinking about giving up his life. Either way the existence of clone Syaoran or real Syaoran would be too much of a price to pay.

But it doesn’t matter what real Syaoran meant to give up as his price. Because now it is time for Watanuki and Syaoran to make absolutely no sense at all! Watanuki thinks about Yuko and how she would be able to tell them what the price would be. At this point I am not sure what these two guys have left to give but I am sure they will think of something (we already know Watanuki’s but still). But then they talk about how the prices have to correspond after they leave the area? Isn’t the point of the price to get out of the area? Or is their wish something bigger than they are letting the reader know? Or am I totally going to crazy town and trying to think too hard about CLAMP’s motives? In any event…what is going on?!

And we are getting this...NOW?!

Then real Syaoran makes the most sense out of everyone in the entire series. How are you supposed to give up something precious to you? If it was that precious you wouldn’t be able to live without it. But we are not told real Syaoran’s price as both boys take hold of the feather and it shines for a random reason.

Thanks for letting us in on the price people. Way to go.

Can I just give up on trying to understand what is going on? I love how Watanuki acknowledges this is a suck ass price and he is probably wrong but he will wait for Yuko anyway. Even after he was told the sad tale of Yuko being stopped in time due the barely wish of Clow. Watanuki fails to see that was a warning to him. And with real Syaoran…well who knows what any of that means. Let’s just move on the sadness okay?

So why are you all doom and gloom in XXXholic?!

The feather glows and Watanuki tells real Syaoran that he is happy that he was born. Even though he said “Thank you for giving birth to me” what Watanuki really is saying “I forgive you for forcing your decisions on to other people and creating me to live a miserable life”. Okay that was a bit harsh. But Watanuki has been struggling with his identity the entire XXXholic series and has questioned his very existence. After being told the truth and learning that real Syaoran is actually him, that he was never meant to exist and only was here because Fei Wong Reed wanted to bring Yuko back to life….Watanuki is able to not have anger in his heart and accept what has happened. That he really believes now that he is a worthwhile being and that he can’t let himself disappear. Or he doesn’t want real Syaoran to feel any guiltier about his wish and that he is okay existing even if that meant the destruction of space and time.

The point is Watanuki is okay with existing and being a part of real Syaoran. This scene makes me think that Watanuki and real Syaoran will never meet again which totally ruins the hurry and save this series/make a happy ending theory in my head. To me this reads as a sad, bittersweet goodbye.

Woot! Your life still sucks! Cue the parade.

So real Syaoran leaves the darkness he is greeted with a beaten and worn Fai, a beaten and worn Kurogane, and a teary eyed real Sakura. She is clutching clone Sakura who has turned into her own feather. Meaning clone Sakura’s feather. I know that the Sakuras were more alike than the Syaorans but it was still clone Sakura’s feather and that feather was probably her memory of Syaoran. It might boggle the mind if you think about the fact that all of clone Sakura’s feathers were scattered from her body when her body is actually a feather itself….but again with the over thinking. And apparently there is no time for over thinking. On to the tears.

Stop messing with my over theorized mind!

Seriously people?! What does any of this mean? Are these really the translations and CLAMP wants me to poke my eyes out trying to understand this stuff? “I knew it would turn out like this but since you would absolutely come home Syaoran…”. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?!

It can mean two things. One that real Sakura knew all this crap would happen (which makes me roll my eyes as she was asleep for the entire series but anyway) but since in the end she and real Syaoran would be together in the end it was worth it and they can bear all this sadness and pain together. Which would make her evil to not care that the clones died twice for them.

That leads me to reason number two. She knew that the clones would die. But since real Syaoran came back instead of sacrificing himself in the darkness they have a chance to make this right. Meaning that they can bring back the clones and they will be the ones to die this time.

Either choice is bad. It seems that the clones and the reals can’t live together at the same time or this will all happen again. So I am not getting a happy ending and one pair will die. Thanks CLAMP love you too.

This is me 5 feet from crazy town.

Real Sakura says that as long as she and real Syaoran have their memories it’s not the end. Now why would she say that? They are the living pair. They have their memories of the event and the chance to keep making memories while they live their lives. This can only mean one thing!!!!

When someone figures out what is going on feel free to leave a comment and tell me. I would greatly appreciate it.

Real Sakura and real Syaoran look surprised as the feathers of the clones sparkle and enter them. Now my whole this can only mean one thing would be a little more AHA if the reals had a more serene look on their faces, like they wanted this to happen and accepted the fact that they are about to die.

Well not DIE. But allow the clones to be the ones “alive” and inherit the reals memories. That is what I think real Sakura meant by our memories. If she had meant the clones memories she would have said “their”. But she said our. Of course they would have their own memories. What they don’t have are the clones. But if the clones had the reals memories that would make the “our memories” make sense. Are you following me still because I think I have lost myself a bit. What I am saying is that the reals know they will live on as long as the clones still hold their memories. That a part of them will always exist and this is not the end.

Of course this could be taken in the complete opposite way and that the clones will live on through the reals by the reals inheriting the clones’ memories. But given the fact that the clones died twice for the reals and that the reals were never meant to be together I think they are going to give the clones life.

Yes I know that the clones actually had much fuller lives that the reals when you think about it. But real Sakura and real Syaoran lost the chance to be together the moment Fei Wong Reed cursed real Sakura. It was cruel and we all hate Fei Wong Reed (whatever his real reason may be) but real Sakura was meant to die. Real Syaoran created a situation where the entire world was completely messed up just to stop an event that was meant to happen. I wish he could have saved his Sakura but he couldn’t. His decision created clone Sakura and clone Syaoran. They never had a choice in any of this so I think it is only fair that they are the ones allowed to live at the end of the day. They earned that right.

Sensing this two are going to have resolution...

Kurogane and Fai (hi remember us?!) catch Syaoran and Sakura before they hit the water. I say only Syaoran and Sakura because it is unclear who they are. In my heart I want and think they are the clones. But even if I am right they will still have the memories of the reals which would make them the same person. Or perhaps they have gone back to being the person they were always meant to be. Sakura has tears in her eyes and Fai…well Fai has been through so much I am not sure how he can even function at this point.

So what does Kurogane do? Confuse everything again. I love that he did his typical punch on the head means I love you thing. I love that despite everything that has happened and the fact that it turns out to be real Syaoran’s fault he still loves the kid in either form. Kurogane will always be Kurogane and that fact he has stayed the same loving rough guy the entire series has kept my sanity.

Bad Kurogane and Fai! Don't confuse me more than I already am!

HOWEVER!!! Which he is Kurogane referring to? The clone or the real? Both left without saying anything to Kurogane. Then Fai says both of them are sleeping. He is not referring to Syaoran as he is looking up at Kurogane. No he is referring to Sakura. Or maybe Mokona said they were both sleeping. Either way now Fai is making them sound like a merged being instead of just one being in charge. RARW!

Fai...you is trying my patience!

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?! Fai! I love you but seriously?! We’ll start from there? Could you have said something that made slightly less sense? No I don’t think so. Thank you Fai for that completely crazy sentence and putting MOG thoughts in my head. If that sentence had said we’ll start from here meaning that this is a new beginning now and we will all make the best of all this crap I would be a little bit okay. But it says THERE. Where is there?! When is there?! Is Fai talking about going back to a time? Is he planning on fixing things and they are going to start THERE to fix it?

After posting this I am holding out hope that maybe Fai is referring to their story. That Fai is going to tell this Sakura about their tale and he will start from that point. That the entire Tsubasa series is Fai telling Sakura what has gone on as she might have lost her memories. I might be grasping on straws but I am trying to make sense of what Fai said. It is late and I am slightly crazy.

Syaoran is not much help either with his thank you. Sure he is cuddled up on Kurogane and that makes me want to squeal but…what is going on? I just hope that they aren’t planning on restarting their adventure. That somehow they are going to go back from there and make things right. That they have somehow ended the loop and now they can fix the past. Because it can’t work like that and I am still not sure how the loop was ended. I know it would be way too much to expect someone to explain it right out but if there was a panel that showed a different ending than what we just witnessed I could see what was done differently. For all I know this is how it ended last time and nothing was changed from the last time. You can’t say there was a loop and not show me how it was broken. It can’t be the reals giving the clones life again as the clones were the one who had to break the loop.

Say it ain't so!!!

AND THEN IT IS OVER!! Can you read that?! The dream’s end?! Some dream! Rage fills my soul!!!!

Putting aside the fact I have no idea who is left alive and what Fai meant by his final words there are so many unanswered questions. Where are Fai and Kurogane going to live? Where are Syaoran and Sakura going to live (depending on who they are)? Who were real Syaoran’s real parents? What was real Syaoran’s price to pay to get out of the darkness? On a forum someone questions what real Syaoran and Sakura’s real names are (even though I really thought it was Syaoran and Sakura). What was Fei Wong Reed’s real goal? What did his final words mean? Does CCS Sakura have anything to do with this hot mess IE the real mother of real Syaoran? Where are Fai and Kurogane going to live together? Which XXXholic boy is Fei Wong Reed?

Given that XXXholic is not set to end this month we still can hold out hope for answers. And by hold out hope I mean wait for the pigs, the horses, the cows, and the sheeps to come flying by your window. XXXholics has gone off into the future by four years. In crazy messed up Tsubasa time that might not mean anything. But I fear it might mean that Tsubasa is done crossing over with XXXholic and this is the ending we are supposed to get with Tsubasa. I can pretend the special visitor Watanuki is going to get will be clone Syaoran trying to bring back the reals but that would be really too much. Besides they have enough to cover with the egg issue and Watanuki waiting forever for someone who is dead.

There is going to be an epilogue chapter. I will pin my dreams to that chapter and pray it is not some goofing little story that has nothing to do with the Tsubasa storyline. It will in fact have Fai and Kurogane under a tree with clone Sakura and clone Syaoran. Princess Tomoyo will look on and think of Yuko and all the sacrifices she went through to make this all happen. The series will end with real Sakura telling Yuko in a dream that she doesn’t want to end up like her, that she rather “die” than be forced into living passed her time. Her price for this wish will be her own time frozen in the reservoir until the day she can move on peacefully with her real Syaoran. And that is where the real story begins.

And if it doesn’t happen exactly like this heads will roll.

But seriously…if this is the ending they give us…I might just hate CLAMP for a while. I will make a more coherent last thoughts post when it truly is the last chapter. Until then everyone channel hope that everything…or something ANYTHING will be explained in the bonus chapter. I will even give up my subtle Fai and Kurogane ending if I can get confirmation on which pairing is alive. The suspense will probably kill me but I will try to endure. Until then…just…seriously?! WHY CLAMP?!

Read more!