Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Tales of the Abyss Episode 5: It's Fontastic!

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NO ONE ELSE DOES EITHER!!!

Okay, I concede. You win Tales of the Abyss. You have successfully blown my brain up with fact after fact thrown at me. I have official given up trying to make sense of what you are trying to throw at me. I surrender. I will just sit in my computer chair and nod at the scene while watching the show. I will no longer try to analysis all the information and just go with the flow. Thanks for decorating my walls with my exploded brain matter; it goes nicely next to the x/1999 and Fushigi Yuugi posters.

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Quick, protect the posters!!!

Click for more fon


The brain explosion starts off with the gang trying to confuse Luke into oblivion with Fon fun facts. The torture is interrupted when Dist the Rose (I think, whatever it is the parrot dude) decides to fly around in his air chair and drop off a boss monster for them to beat. Everyone pretty much sucks until Van gets in there and shows them youngins how it’s done! Later than night, Luke gets a shiny headache and voice in his head visit. He only manages to blow away some of the railing before Van runs up and helps control his power. Van explains that Luke is extra special and can create (or be…) hyperresonance all by himself and that is the true reason he has never allowed him to leave the mansion: they are waiting to turn him into a super weapon. Luke is shocked and upset, but hides it well (or well for him). The group makes it to Luke’s home town and they deliver the letter to the king, despite Mohs already being there. Luke then makes his way back to his mansion where his parents ARE BEYOND OVERWHELMED TO SEE HIM, they neglect to give him hugs. Oh, and his fiancé is there much to Anise’s and Tear’s delight. The group then is summoned once again to the palace. The king has agreed to the peace treaty with Malkuth, but first they need to help rescue a town that is under Malkuth rule, but closer to Kimlasca. According to the 6th fonstone, Luke is destined to go to the town and rescue the people. The gang decides that they will accompany Luke as well. Van pulls Luke aside and informs Luke that the rest of the stone states that Luke will bring about a great disaster. It turns out that Van is the one who kidnapped Luke 7 years ago, to keep him from getting experimented on due to his hyperresonance ability. Van wants Luke to go to the town, destroy the problem, and join him and the other oracle knights to prevent this disaster from happening. Luke decides he will go with Van’s plan…as someone waits in the shadows listening to the plan.

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Maybe we should have played the game....

First, I would like to mention the irony of the episode. Here I am, confused and ready to poke my eyes out when Luke says the exact same thing I am thinking. I am grateful that the writers have acknowledged how a layperson would be extremely lost with all this information. However, when Tear’s very next line made fun of Luke for being uneducated, I went right back to stupid pity party corner.

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Let us count the fon....

Second, I would like to mention my own fun fact: the term fon was used 4 times in the first 4 minutes of the show…and that is COUNTING the opening theme song. Taking out the theme song, it was LESS than two minutes when the 4 terms were used! The term FON is being used to death! Here is the list of FONS that were used in this episode alone: Fontech, Fon disc, Isofon, Lorelei’s fonon frequency, Seventh fonists, Fon Master, and 7th fonstone. That is a whole lot of fon. I think everyone understands the fondamentals of this universe is based around fons. Perhaps the writers were worried that viewers would somehow FORGOT that fun fact so they had to insert it into every single word. I am sure they are traveling on a fonboat and eat fonpizza. Well, if they can do that, so can I and if they don’t like it, they can foncking get lost!..okay, now I just feel lame inside.

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Here's a fon...

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There's a fon....

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Everywhere a fon fon.

So…what else can I say about this episode. I thought that Luke’s parents deserve the dramatic welcome home reunion award. Oh, sorry, I meant to see the least interested welcome home casual hi in the hallway. I almost understand now why Luke clings to Van now; his parents are douche bags and treat him as an object. Luke’s father showed more emotion to Tear for causing Luke to disappear rather than hugging the son that was fon-blasted to enemy territory. I guess his mother had an excuse for being SICK WITH WORRY in bed, but couldn’t she squeeze out a few tears? Poor unloved Luke, if it were not for Guy and fiancé chick, I would assume these people were not even his real parents.

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PLEASE MAKE IT STOP!

So, the mystery of why Luke was kidnapped was revealed rather early. Usually these kids of mysteries take much more time to be uncovered and usually when the enemy is corner or when the enemy thinks the hero is about to kick the fon-bucket. Nope, Van flat out told Luke he was the one that fonapped him all those years ago. Van is obviously going for the confond them with the truth method of being evil. We all know you are evil Van; you aren’t on the hill hugging a returning Luke! But I might be too quick to judge as he could just be a member of the church of necessary evil.

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...I really didn't think there was actual writing on the stone...

There were only a few moments I would fonsider taken from game play. Bird man dropped what appeared to be a boss monster on the boat and the team took turns fighting the monster just like in normal game play. Near the end of episode, Luke’s uncle tells the gang they have to go on a quest to save a town. In a typical game, the group survives one horrible event to then find out they have to go somewhere else to be nearly maimed again. However, it is sad since their group is already so big, there is not really a whole lot of room for newbies.

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What the group lacks in new members is made with special enemies.

This episode had a whole lot of special moments, what if Luke announcing to the “enemy” that he knew he was a liar TO HIS FACE. Silly hero, that is something you declare in private and perhaps with a weapon. Jade commented that he knew something that would make Luke hate him. Yeah, because Luke has a lot of love for you after knowing you for 10 whole minutes. Anise commented that Tear seemed to be acting nicer to Luke, because her 9 minutes with the group gives her that extensive knowledge. :( And Ion really didn’t have much to do with this episode at all!!!!!

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Quick, insert the battle music!

Tales of the Abyss will return next week under the New Fall Anime post. I just felt that this fon-filled episode couldn’t handle being squished into a post with everyone else. It was just BEGGING to have it's own special post dedicated to the love of all that is fon. Thank you and have a fonderful week.
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And you probably never will...

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