The real reason why men have a shorter life span

Like any responsible, mature woman, I keep track of my cycle to make sure no little surprises come my way.

Well, once upon a time I did when I wrote a physical journal and had numerous hand held calendars. Now I sorta go oh, it hasn’t been a month yet and rest assure my method of birth control will keep me baby free. That and I think God is looking out for me and is content with just letting me have kittens for babies.

With that said I woke up this morning and freaked. I had one of those irrational OH **** moments and let my mind go crazy. Forgetting that the chances of me being pregnant were less than 5 percent, I decided to take a pregnancy test I had left over from Panicgate 2006. I took the test, waited the agonizing 3 minutes, and did the YES no kids for me dance. After seeing the results, my mind calmed down and I realized how stupid the situation really was. So when my husband came home from work, I decided to poke a little fun at myself. It ended up with my husband almost losing his balls.

Me: Congratulations! You’re not a father!!!
Husband: Yeah, I already knew that.
Me: (confused) How did you know when I didn’t?
Husband: You know, yesterdayyyyyyyy. *smile*

Then I saw red. My husband was referring to a disagreement we got into yesterday. Actually, it was more of him being a jerk and calling me too sensitive on an issue. He hurt my feelings (over a petty issue I know, but it still hurt my feelings) and I voiced how rude I thought he was being.

Me: *glare* I am not on my period, nor am I PSMing.
Husband: *joking eyeroll* Surrrrre. I can tell when you are.
Me: Apparently you can’t. The only reason I know I am not pregnant is because I took a pregnancy test. I wouldn’t have if I had PMS symptoms.

Dead silence. Husband looks like a deer in headlights. Even the cats know something is wrong. Men across the country quivered in fear knowing that SHOCK just because a woman gets upset at something, IT IS NOT A SIGN SHE IS ON HER PERIOD!

Me: (Glare)
Husband: Tacos for dinner?

So despite my husband being very, very WRONG about knowing my body better than I do, at least he was correct about one thing. Tacos do buy my forgiveness….at least for now.

And ironically, had I been PMSing, a comment like that would have sent him flying through the door. He should consider himself lucky.