Movie theater Etiquette: You don’t have it!

Movie theater Etiquette: You don’t have it!

I have my game plan down pat. I avoid the weekends if at all possible, I arrive AT LEAST 30 minutes early, my cell phone is on vibrate, and I bring my jacket so I don’t freeze to death. If all goes according to plan, I end up in the middle section, top row, middle of the isle. That means that there is no one sitting directly behind me and I have minimized the amount of people sitting near me while still having good seats. 90 percent of the time my husband and I get our desired seats so all sounds well right? What could possibly go wrong?

People. Entitled, selfish people happen. No amount of planning and crazy strategy on my part can save me from the idiotic people who are drawn to the same movies I am. I am not expecting miracles here, just for people to be raised with BASIC manners and to take into consideration there are other people at the movies than them.


It’s story time!

One of the more tame stories I have happened recently. I wanted to see SAW V right away, but I am not willing to be in a beyond crowed theater paying double the price of admission ticket. So I waited until Monday to see the movie (and to be disappointed, but that has already been discussed). I dragged my brother and his girlfriend into the movie theater 30 minutes early and not ONE soul was in there. They complained, I was in heaven. Closer to the movie time people did so up, but spread out and didn’t encroach on anyone’s personal space. All was going well, only one couple was sitting in our row and they were at the very end. The previews started and I was a happy camper…until the late couple arrived. They stomped up the stairs and ended at our row. No sweat, there are about 7 empty seats next to me. But they kept getting closer and CLOSER to me…until the boyfriend sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME! He didn’t even give the unspoken one seat buffer! I had to scramble to remove my purse before he squished it!!! The previews had started so I put up the arm rest and nestled my purse safely in the seat, I didn’t think someone would disturbed someone’s personal bubble when there were plenty of other seats! I would have understood if the theater was jam packed and they HAD to sit next to me but there were SEVEN EMPTY SEATS!!! Their seats would have been just as great had they left room between me and the boyfriend. So perhaps that story isn’t one of being rude, but just slightly clueless.

This next group however is the very definition of entitled princesses. My husband and I were in our favorite seats, happily eating nachos. Three loud ladies shuffle in and take seats in the row in front of us. That means they were in the middle of the row of the middle section. One woman decided to start talking about her aching dogs and how she had been working ALLLL day. She took her shoes off and propped her feet on the seat in front of her. Not that I really wanted to see someone’s gross feet in my line of vision, but since they weren’t blocking my view or smelling up the place I didn’t think I had grounds to complain. As the movie theater began to fill, a group of guys began to walk down into the third row, the row below big feet. She screeched out “I AIN’T MOVING MY FEET SO DON’T SIT HERE!!” The guys gave her a withering look and choose seats that were three away from her entitledness. She then commented (again) to her friends she deserved to have her feet propped up as she just worked a 7 hour shift and her feet were killing her. Her two friends agreed and they proceeded to ALSO take off their shoes and prop their feet up. It was a Wednesday, so it was a normal work day for my husband and well…pretty much everyone I know. While I am sure her feet were tired, I am equally as sure that most people coming to this 7 o clock showing had also gone to work and their feet/other body parts were tired too! That does not entitle Ms Princess to taking up seats in front of her!!! She was taking up the seat in front of her (unless someone wants dirty feet hanging over them). She was also taking up the two seats to either side as you would basically on level with her feet and probably wouldn’t want to subject yourself that sight. When her entitled friends decided to follow her lead, they were taking up the three spaces with their smellies and the seats either side of them. That is at least 5 wasted seats on top of the 3 they were already sitting in! Not to mention they were basically blocking the isle so that might have deterred others from sitting in that row. So while I understand people are tired after a hard day’s work, they don’t have the right to infringe on other tired, paying customers. You aren’t that special.

This next story is bad parenting, stupidity, and possible entitlement all rolled into one! My husband and I went on a Saturday night, so perhaps that was our first mistake. In our defense, the movie in question had been out for two weeks so SILLY US we thought people would be flocking to the newer, more popular movies. All was going well: the movie theater was half empty, the people in our row had TWO seat buffers on each side, and the movie was already starting. I mistakenly thought this was going to be an uneventful movie. Of course I was wrong. 10 minutes into the movie a rather large woman, adult male, and infant entered the movie theater. Despite there being rows with 4 and 5 empty seats next to one another, our two seat buffers were looking good to this couple. I gave the couple a nice glare as the woman waddled over all these punctual patrons and sat her happy self next to me. The man sat next to her and quickly handed her the baby so he could stuff his face with popcorn. The baby started to get fussy and the woman was preoccupied with getting her gummy bears so she did the only logical thing she could think of: gave the baby keys to play with. So let’s review: I was on time, the people around me also respected people’s personal bubbles, and were considerate enough not to bring an infant to a late night movie (I believe the movie ended at 11:30). The people next to me decided that coming into a movie 10 minutes late, sitting directly next to others when there are other seats available for your family and 45 pounds of stuff, bringing an infant (under one year old), and giving said infant a pair of KEYS to play with…WERE ALL REALLY GOOD IDEAS!!! I suppose a normal person would let the first three issues past…but KEYS?! I know I don’t have kids, but KEYS are not a toy. KEYS do not make a fussy child quiet. KEYS will get you and your family kicked out! Yeah, I went and got the manager. My husband and I don’t spend our hard earned money so our movie experience can be ruined by some loser parent. It was too late at night, they picked a section that could not accommodate their family and all their baby stuff, and instead of taking the fussy child out they give the kid keys to play with! Sorry you have a kid lady, get a sitter or wait for the DVS!

One of my favorite little adventures involves a woman calling me racist :O Once again, my husband (boyfriend at the time) arrived early to ensure we got our favorite seats. Other people also arrived early and did the much appreciated 1 seat buffer deal. All and all, there were 4 seats opened in the row but none next to each other. There were a great deal of other seats opened as well as it was not an opening night nor was it the weekend. So we were all happy little movie goers enjoy the movie trivia until a group of six people walked in. Now it was about 5 minutes before the movie started so while there were a number of seats opened, only the really really bad rows near the bottom had six next to each other. The leader of this happy group walked behind my row (as I have said before, I get the seats at the top of the section so there is a walkway behind me and the next row of seats) and asks if everyone in the row can move. But this is how she wants everyone to move: Everyone had to move to the left or right so they could seat in the middle. Setting aside the fact that there were 6 of them and our row only had 4 seats, she was demanding that every single person who had been sitting there at least 15 minutes MOVE because she couldn’t get her family there on time. Not to mention she was trying what I think are the best seats in any row. So a few people started to move so there were 2 seats and 2 seats together. My boyfriend/husband looks at me and I am giving him the NO eyes. So the woman directly asks me to move and I calmly say no and keep on eating. Without me moving, her entire plan was not going to work and she got PISSED! She asked if I thought I was being nice. I said I wasn’t the one making about 10 people move so she could get her way and it still wouldn’t be enough seats for her whole group so why bother. APPARENTLY what she was going to do was have 3 people sit in my row and three people sit in the row underneath as another one of her people were asking all THOSE people to move too. I was like no, I won’t be in the middle if I move and I got here so I could sit in the middle. She then stated that all us Americans were RUDE and inconsiderate of others. I snorted and told her maybe if Europeans owned watches, perhaps they could get to the movies in a timely manner to get 6 seats! She was one of the people that sat directly in front of us and she commented to her friend that karma would come back and one day someone would not move when I needed a movie seat. I said that is very unlikely since I PLAN AHEAD! So apparently I am racist for thinking all 20 of us movie goers should not have to move because of her lateness.

This last story…is probably 25 percent my fault. In my defense I was told that Wolverine was going to run naked down a hallway in one scene. I am not saying that is what motivated me to see X-Men 2….I am just saying I was waiting for that particular scene. Anywho, it was the same old drama: we got there early on an off day yet some people do not believe in one seat buffers. Whatever. So the movie is underway…and the man sitting next to me is continuously talking. He hasn’t stopped since the movie started. There is a lull in the movie conversation/music so I could better make out what he was talking about. It wasn’t eavesdropping per say as they were sitting right next to me. The man had been telling his date every single X-Men and their powers as they appeared on screen. His date apparently never heard of the X-Men and yet she was still at the theater. Certainly she had a right to be confused as this was a sequel based on a long running comic and has at least 2 cartoon shows based on it. However, her date did not want her to be confused and he was going to explain every single X-Men and their back story/powers when they appeared on screen. The entire movie is based on mutants with powers!!!! There were “new” characters popping up every 5 minutes and this man hadn’t shown signed of stopping yet. So being the ever so tactful person that I am…I leaned over and asked the man if he had ADD. Rude? Maybe. But what else would he expect from someone having to endure his CONSTANT TALKING!!! Well…apparently I pissed his date off because I was told to shut the f**k up. I told her I would be more than happy to shut up and watch the movie, but I couldn’t enjoy the movie with his constant chattering. She told me to mind my own business or she would throw me through the movie screen. My husband stepped in and told them both to keep it down. She decided to threaten to throw him too and threw a huge hissy fit. Meanwhile other people were mumbling that they were the problem and they needed to shut the hell up. The couple finally shut up and I got to enjoy my nearly naked Logan moment. After the movie, she started to approach me but decided that 2 against 5 wasn’t really great odds.

So there are a few of my horror stories. I am not asking much am I?

Be on time. If you cannot be on time, be grateful for the seats that you can get.

Don’t bring your kids to a scary/late movie. Those of us without kids shouldn’t have to suffer because you do.

If you are stupid enough to bring kids, take them out when they start crying. Telling them shush probably won't work!!!

If the theater is pretty empty, there is no reason to sit RIGHT NEXT TO ME!!!

If you ask me to move and I say no, MOVE ON. I am in my rights to sit where I want to and will not move until every single one of the crappy seats down front are filled and ushers have to ask everyone to move.

Don’t treat the theater like your living room. Pick up your trash, shut up/whisper, and don't put your nasty feet up on other chairs!

I am sure there are more stories to tell, but those are the highlights. It is a shame that my husband and I rather wait to rent the DVD than go to the movies now. It is sad that our traditional date nights at the movie theaters are less frequent now, but it’s unlike movie patrons will suddenly wake up one morning and stop being morons. Here’s hoping that they do….or they at least interesting enough to blog about.