"You're selfish for having long hair"
Isn't that an interesting statement? I was under the impression that being selfish was placing one's self/needs above others. Like, it would be selfish of me to take every single brownie from a dessert tray without sharing. My hair....is simply my hair. I am not denying anyone from anything by keeping my hair a certain length. The reason I was selfish (or so I was told) was because there are kids out there who have cancer and have no hair, thus I should donate my hair. Well, setting aside that I DO donate my hair once it becomes extremely long, how is it selfish? I am not buying all the wigs so the cancer kids are left bald. So yes, it would be NICE to donate your hair to help cancer victims, but no SANE person is going to stop me on the street and scream at me for denying the CHILLLLLLLLLLDREN.
"So when are you two going to have kids?"
Well, ignoring that this question is universally rude due to the fact that people do not know if a couple can even HAVE kids...why would you ask someone this on their wedding day? I was under the silly impression that a couple could spend at least...a week just enjoying each other? But apparently I should have had baby on the brain walking down the aisle. Oh and when I say I hate kids, have fun with your "knowing smiles" and thinking one day I will get it.
"You should wear contacts, you would look so much prettier."
Why thank you for that lovely insult. I do enjoy wearing these ugly glasses to hide my apparently pretty face. I am Clark Kent you know. And last time I checked, contacts cost a lot more than glasses, so unless you are offering to BUY them for me, than perhaps there is a reason I am STILL wearing glasses.
"You're too young to get married"
This goes without saying, but this came from a different person who thought I was old enough to give birth on the altar. And the ironic thing about this statement was it came from someone who got had a baby/got married at 17. Oh, you mean that comment comes from experience and not jealously?! SILLY SILLY ME!!!
"So how are those milkshakes?"
You mean the milkshakes you just handed to us? The ones we haven't had a chance to taste yet? They are the best we have ever had!
"Oh, were you in line?"
No, no oh course not. I was just standing behind this nice lady and then there was a person behind me and so on and so forth. We are a circus whose main event is standing in line at retail stores. Pay no attention to the merchandise in our hands or the sign that says "line starts here". Clearly only YOU are in line.
"So what products do you use for your acne?"
Let me allow you to digest that question for a minute. Yes, a complete stranger came up to me and had the balls to talk about my acne. Why yes, at the time my acne was really, really bad. I am well aware of that. ANYONE with acne that bad is well aware of it and hate it when people stare at them. And unless you are selling the miracle cure to instantly melt away all my blemishes, I don't care what it is. I have probably been there, bought that, and regretted wasting my money. Perhaps one should not be in the cosmetic business if you cannot be more discrete about potential client's appearance. This question also gets double insult points as the person basically yelled it across the store.
"Isn't all anime porn?"
Of course it is! And while we are at it, all Asian are good at math, all Jews are stingy with their money, all African Americans are in gangs, and all people from Alabama marry their sisters!
"I can get that cheaper somewhere else."
Amazing! Why don't you keep it to yourself and walk out the door? If it truly was cheaper somewhere else, why would you sit there arguing the price when you could drive less than a mile down the road and get it at the price you want? :O Unless you are lying of course!
So there are just a few gems that have graced my ears. I did think of others that were a little more colorful, but those were obviously the wrong things to say. I hope you enjoy mocking these special, SPECIAL comments.
No comments:
Post a Comment