But yes here are my movie reviews. Next month I might go to the actual movie theaters and blog about something current. I swear though if they make Freddy Krueger a sympathetic serial killer I will scream. For now here is what I watched this month with the exception of one movie. Whatever came on after the Hitcher I forgot to write down. Also my husband hogged the TV one night and I missed the Mothman. Sadness fills my soul. Included in this post are the following movies:
Ice Spiders
Swamp Devil
Mega Piranha
Asteroid (the miniseries)
The Invasion
Armageddon
The Hitcher
Ice spiders
I saw this movie when it premiered a few months ago but I guess I missed the beginning. Either way….spiders that are crawling around in the snow? I totally believe that! Science can do everything but cure cancer in these movies. XD
Like what’s up dudes. Yeah I should have been a surfer dude but I work at a ski lodge. But like totally I am a great actor. At least the main scientist chick isn’t wearing a tank top.
Scifi tip #95: Never run for the bus. You don’t have the keys, the dead guy outside does.
Also when your husband/boyfriend is getting eaten by a spider it is best to sit on a couch and scream. Not need to help him out ma’am.
Swamp Devil
I can’t remember the last time I have seen such a boring movie. Boring cast, boring back story, and almost no redeemable characters.
I’m okay with angry mutants/humans running around killing people for no reason. The alternative will be the new Halloween and we don’t need any more sympathetic serial killers. I am also okay with monsters that already exist not getting any explanation. Yes we all would like to know where the Cloverfield monster came from but the lack of detail didn’t take away from the movie. In this movie….it did. We had a human randomly become a swamp monster because……why? Just because? In a case like that we need a back story but since the movie was more focused on leaves and the woods we didn’t. So it sucked.
Was there a reason why Jimmy had to make Melanie come to town? I know he said that he was trying to flush out Melanie’s dad. But Melanie hadn’t seen her dad in a while. How was she going to be able to locate him? Also Jimmy is a swamp monster. He lives in the woods. Wouldn’t he eventually see her father in the woods? No? It’s better to waste time with a pretty girl? Good call.
Do not waste your time with this movie. Although it was a little refreshing to see the monster reveal in the middle of the movie and not at the end. Makes the characters seem less stupid that way. But then I take away points when no one notices the swamp monsters walking around in the woods.
Mega Piranha
This movie was SO awesome. My friend and I talked for a week after seeing the previews. We were so excited to see this obviously well thought out and acted movie. We were not disappointed. XD
The piranha jumped OVER trees. And not just one tree or a few trees. But huge plots of land. They jumped from one part of river to another OVER all the land in between. Yes these fish were pretty giant but so are whales and I don’t see them jumping over land masses! Maybe a bridge or fence in Free Willy but not entire sections of land! They were jumping over small islands! I won’t bash the graphics because…yeah they sucked. I was just in awe of the huge fake fishes jumping over a forest.
The acting was awesome in this movie. And by awesome I mean eye rolling. I think we are alone now indeed.
A sci-fi movie wouldn’t be complete without someone trying to save one of the mega/scary animals for research. The lines are always the same. “We can learn so much from them!!” Dude you created the monsters. Now they bleed green and have three hearts and jump over TREES! What is there to study, how fast they can nom your face off? Study the thing when it’s dead.
It would also not be a sci-fi movie if we didn’t have random baddies being bad. Because it is not enough to have giant fishes jumping on land and causing explosions (yes the fishes caused explosions by hitting buildings or some crap). No no, we need to have some assholes trying to kill our “heroes” while they are dodging the killer fish of doom. Thanks fellow human beings for being so sucky!
I love how the plan to stop the fishes involved killing one of them. Oh and by sending men into the water with the task to stab one of them. That doesn’t sound like fail at all. Also I like how the movie forgot that in the first hour of the movie one fishies was injured and the other fishes ate it. Not the other fishies just the injured one. So……why is a feeding frenzy going to work now? Oh right because we aren’t supposed to think about logic.
In other words this movie ROCKED!
Asteroid
This really wasn’t a movie but more like a mini-series. I think I watched 3 hours of this nonsense and I nearly fell asleep 7 times. It was SO boring. I thought it was ending 3 different times but OH NO look there is more danger. The up and down emotional crazy time wasn’t really a roller coaster but a giant train wreck.
I am tired of people who are in charge of saving the world world/a big group of people but they decide saving their family is more important. I mean, I would be like that too. Screw you guys I am saving my kittens and husband. But I am not in charge of my country or tons of people. I didn’t run for that kind of office. The people who did run of those positions/took those jobs need to stop worrying about their kids in Texas and worry about the giant piece of rock that is coming towards us. Because you know…if you don’t stop the rock everyone is going to die, not just your kids.
Boring. I hate you Sci-Fi.
The Invasion
Nothing was on TV so I decided that I would give this movie a whirl. And while it wasn’t a block buster hit for me I am not seeing why it got such a negative reception. Yes the concept of what the aliens wanted could have been better explained. I am not sure if they wanted to take over the people or they were merely taking away people’s emotions. And yes it was pretty slow during some parts. But it wasn’t a huge disaster. Of course I am comparing it to Sci-Fi original movies…..
The idea that aliens can invade through the air makes me X_X. Well at least I think it was the air. In any event it wasn’t a noticeable invasion which makes me worry. But for once I would like these super smart aliens to outsmart us. We humans always seem to live and this time it’s because a few of us are broken. Awesome. Be nice to those with brain injuries okay!
Also when in doubt loot. Always.
Armageddon
That is correct people. This movie came out in 1998 and I watched it for the first time in 2010. I haven’t seen Top Gun either because I am un-American. But in my defensive I really though this movie came out in 2005. XD Or does that make it worse...
That all being said I am not sure why this movie got nominated for so many Razzies. I really don’t think Bruce Willis was that bad in the movie. The only scene I found over the top with the acting was when Bruce was trying to kill Ben’s character. With a gun. On a oil rig. That was annoying. But the rest of the movie (as scientifically impossible as it was) was fine. Liv and Ben were a cute couple, I liked the explosions, and this wasn’t the worse movie ever. Well I didn’t like the character Rockhound and that Max died but no one seems to be complaining about those parts of the show.
Or maybe I just like movies where a lot of random people die. The idea of this actually happening freaks me out though. I tend to make no sense as I want to go to the horror movies at the theater and I end up spending half the movie behind my fingers. Maybe I like the fact that something horrible was happening to the Earth and people were working TOGETHER made me happy. Can’t stand movies where something terrible is happening and instead of trying to overcome the terrible thing people are fighting with other survivors. Go humanity.
The Hitcher
This movie sucked SO bad Sci-Fi didn’t replay it at 11 pm on Saturday night. Usually when a movie premiers on Sci-Fi on a Saturday night they first play the movie at 9pm and again at 11pm. Since I work on Saturdays I usually have to catch the 11 pm movies. It was a slow night and I was able to get home at 9:10. I don’t think I missed much. If you are going to copy key elements from previous horror movies you might want to copy the important elements. Oh and not make a boring movie.
I can’t remember seeing a more incompetent group of cops before. I mean it is a given that most cops are red shirt characters in any movie but they usually get a bum rap in horror/sci-fi movies. It is hard to believe the crazy stuff that happens to the unfortunate main characters so when they are viciously maimed by a mythical monster. But in this movie yeah I am glad they all died. How stupid can they be?! Really did they think that couple could take down an entire police station by themselves?! Especially when the stronger of the two is in a holding cell?!
The moral of this story is that if you don’t give a hitch hiker a ride you deserve to die. Shame on you for being afraid of strangers. And dude what was his story anyway? I want to know why the crazy people are crazy please. Of course this completely contradicts what I said earlier in the Swamp Devil review.....
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