Final Destination 5: Dust in the Wind and lasers in your eye.

XO No anime got watched or blogged today. The Momager came back from her adventure and there were many stories to tell. Stories are always fun right?

Just a public safety/common sense reminder: If it is raining SO BAD that you can’t see across the street perhaps you should not order pizza for delivery. Just maybe if it is too dangerous for you to leave your house maybe you should think OH I don’t want anyone driving in that. Because we can’t count on my boss to actually care about me as he will force me to die for 14 bucks. So just stop and think for a second. Think for a lot of seconds. Think until the rain stops.

Since no anime got watched today I decided to a quick little post about the awesome movie my friend and I saw the other day. Oh yes folks. Another horror franchise that won’t die. Final Destination Part 4397488375 (or 5) is out. And as there were about 3 whole showings of the movie on Tuesday with 9 people in our theater clearly it is the best of the series. Let us discuss the failure of this movie shall we? Spoilers people. Spoilers!


Let me start off by saying that I love cheesy horror movies, you know the kind in which most of the cast dies in horror and predictable ways. In fact my friend and I were sorta happy my husband did not want go because that meant we could whisper the whole time (WHISPER!!! Not yell and ruin people’s good/bad time). We are sorta bad movie lovers.

With that said this movie basically sucked except for the over the top deaths and the last two minutes. Or might have been easier to wait and see the Final Destination 5 youtube greatest death clips. Saved me some money anyway.

Also with that said this movie was better than number 4 and SAW 7. But home videos of my cat running around in circles make for better movies. So it wasn’t a total waste of my life, especially when I had my best friend to share it with.

Now what made the movie bad was not the plot. Besides some super questionable points it was…or could have been actually decent. Well as decent as a horror movie with a part 5.

No no what made the movie bad was the acting. I thought that MAYBE since we got some 32 year olds pretending to be 23/25 we would have some more seasoned actors. But I think junior high drama kids could have done much better. The main dude Sam didn’t really show that much concern when he finally (FINALLY) figured out the truth. Actually none of them were good at acting scared, especially on the bridge scene.

So the super flat acting drove the movie. Perhaps it would have been better if they were high school kids. Then it would make more sense why someone would come to work in a bra and why someone was still doing gymnastics. They never really explained WHAT their job was. All we knew it was a business that hired anyone, didn’t pay well, and had a factory on the side that specialized in using super dangerous materials. So next time bring on the kids.

Wow so the acting sucked and the basic reason tying the people together was lame. What else did I hate? Oh the fact that a new rule was introduced that made no sense and went against the established rules. Mr. Creepy said killing someone would give you their life. However we all already know you can’t kill yourself out of turn. Death has a DESIGN. If you can’t kill yourself how can you kill someone before they were meant to die? I’m am not arguing this didn’t work simply because Sam still died. The cop could have no time left like Roy. Or maybe the life didn’t transfer over. What I am arguing is that the rule was dumb to begin with. Word of God says Mr. Coroner is not Death. What would he gain by leading people on? Oh he works on commission? Now it all makes sense.

So this is sounding like a whole lotta dumb. Factor in that Sam lost his damn mind and decided that Death didn’t want him to die because he got a vision and this is not sounding like a Final Destination movie. He didn’t get any clues or hints to the following deaths and then he wanted to go to his job at Restaurants R Death. So….yeah. No one had a chance with this useless dude leading the charge.

So all we have left are the deaths and last two minutes. I do wish the movies would stop with the 3 D nonsense. It makes the deaths way too unreal. Please go back to the basics where the moment of MOG was the suspense, not how much computer blood splatters from the screen. Isaac could have died with the statue falling on his head. But I rather it crushed his little skull than completely decapitating him and letting the stump flow like a garden hose. Instead of a pile of broken gymnast bones Candice could have broken her neck. And all of the bridge scenes were too fake for words. Stop with the computer crap. Well okay some computer crap is necessary. But the film didn’t seem very DARK with these deaths being over the top and full of ketchup pixels.

However I am never, EVER getting Lasik surgery. Ever. EVER! That was grossest scene ever. Well maybe not as bad as the opening to The Hills Have Eyes Two and whatever Chainsaw Massacre had the birth scene. But close enough. CLOSE ENOUGH! I didn’t even see the part where the laser was destroying her body as I was still freaked out about the thingy used to open her eye up. MOG NIGHTMARES!!!!!!

Finally we are up to the last few minutes of the movie. While watching we kept whispering DUDE what an old phone. Or um why is the cop acting like he has never heard this before? Or Um Sam everyone else figured out that there was an order way before you did, go rent the movies again? Fun times fun times. And when Sam announced he was going to Paris I laughed. GOOD LUCK! Look what happened to the last people who tried going there.

AND THEN IT WAS THEM! XO They are the ones who caused the plane to crash. We got to see all of the gang being hauled off the plane because Alex is having a spaz attack and Sam is SO STUPID he doesn’t go hmm a person being all upset and knowing something bad is going to happen before it happens. XD

Of course…if I had perfect memory I would have seen this coming what with the name of the restaurant Sam was going to work at. Le Café Miro 81? The place where Clear, Carter, and Alex were eating. The sign that squished Carter? XD

But watching it all make SENSE made me feel better. Like OH so this state hasn’t had a plague of people seeing the future yet. No wonder Sam is so slow and the cop isn’t believing him. It all makes sense! Except the first 93287 minutes of the movie. But the last two minutes were great. Even if the life DID get transferred over to Sam (which I doubt that rule is real) he was banking too much on his vision showing the entire bridge collapse. Molly might have still died after Sam and his ketchup death became a stain in the water. OOOOOOORRRRRRR she was supposed to kill herself after surviving such a horrible event. Either way Molly was dead girl walking and Death was like time to pay up.

In conclusion this movie was pretty bad and I hate 3-D crap. I liked the opening better in the 4th movie and the vision of the scissors is kinda lame as the only person I can think of that MAY HAVE almost died with scissors is Tod and those scissors were tiny. The acting was flat and nothing was really fleshed out. Oh and the main character lost his mind and decided that he was supposed to live despite the fact he just figured out that everyone was going to die.

But….I like how it was a circle of death. It gave a little of a AHA moment. We all knew Sam and Molly were toast anyway but it was way better than a random truck crashing into a coffee shop. This way it shows a tiny bit of connection between survivors and the next batch of victims. Perhaps this is the only way to the franchise to stay alive, by showing how the ripples start and end and connect.

Never again the Lasik times. Off to bed I go. But at least the AC is working? YAY!